Tag Archives: painting

Hands of a Creator

“I don’t have the personality to be God.” I stated to nobody in particular. “I just can’t bring myself to allow others to worship their perception of me.”

I have found myself on the top of a pedestal. I’m not really certain when that happened, but when I’ve heard others talk about me, whether to my face or behind my back, I found myself precariously perched on top.

I consider myself a good human, not a good person. A good person isn’t allowed to make mistakes, trash relationships that no longer work, or draw boundaries around what is good for them. A human, on the other hand, is perfektly within their rights to do any, all, or none of those.

I’m embarrassed when people call me an angel. I know how often I roll my eyes or mutter under my breath while I’m doing something for another human who probably can’t do what I can as well. I feel negativity, but I allow it to pass unless it’s harming me or someone I love. I’m emotionally fly by the seat of my pants. I give because I enjoy the feeling I get when I do. But, in spite of that, it’s harder for me to feel joy when doing something for myself (at this time.)

I can’t tell you the last time I laid one of my beloved paintbrushes to a canvas to create. Yes, I’ve been writing which is cathartic in getting my thoughts out, but painting is coloring in the emotions that are overwhelming. It focuses them in a different way than words can. It allows me to express emotions without self-criticism or judgement which I tend to do in words.

When I write, everything has to be in order. Everything has to make sense to myself and for others. Every idea that pops into my head is best written down so I remember what is important to me, what my goals are, and how I’m going to do what makes me happy.

Art, in any of it’s forms, is a way for me to run around emotionally naked. It encourages me to let go of the control I think I need in the written word. With colors, forms, shapes, patterns, etc., I can bring the darkest, the most joyous, the mundane to a life that is visible. It allows me to fight my demons in public without holding onto them any longer. I miss that.

Yet, here I sit typing away as if this is the only way I can be “seen”, when at the beginning of this writing, I talked about the pedestal I’m perched upon. I want to jump off of that pedestal and spread my emotional wings again. The euphoria I feel when I do that is worth it. I’m making time as we speak to allow space for something so crucial to my well being.

I don’t have the personality to be God, but I have the hands of a creator that are longing to spring anew.

Day Twenty-three, Back from Honfleur

I don’t know if it was the internet where I was or what the deal may have been, but it absolutely would not allow me to upload ANY pictures. In fact, it gave me an error today about pictures I’ve already posted. Murg.

But! I was beside myself with glee yesterday. The drive today was lovely. The air was just right coming in the window. The sun was shining and when I came up over a crest of a hill, it was like Brigadoon showing up in front of me. I “Oh, wow!”-ed outloud.

What a spirit-fulfilling day. I feel a deep sense of peace. I have a sense of a withdrawn/inclusion of self. I am not sure how to express what I’m feeling. I visited the leaning church (The outside pictures of the church are not from Saint-Jean, they’re from a church in Honfleur).

While inside I witnessed some faithful praying on bent knee or at the very least bent heads. I found pamphlets that described the veneration of the church’s saints. I previously shared about the artist that created the stained glass windows in the mid 60’s-late 70’s, they were richly crafted. Pictures can’t quite capture the look and effect of the sunshine dancing rainbows through the textured glass.

I sat outside the church in a paver topped park. I sat on the bench facing west. I could see the major bus routes converging nearby. I watched people walking in a variety of paces to various places. The dopplar of French voices waved over me as a bouquet of floral scented young women echoed passed by. The fashion went from snappy tan leather dress shoes beneath a cream-colored linen suit carefully styled with a khaki light colored trench coat to over the knee black leather boots and a slap of fabric covering the important parts in a striking red and a miniscule white tank shirt knotted at the front.

I watched a verbal fight break out between a man on an electric scooter and the driver of a car that I’m guessing drove too close to the scooter-rider. It was heated, loud, and two other men were holding back the torrent of imminent violence. With a bit of physicality from the protectors of the combatants, the rage dissipated in a poof of raised fingers.

I tugged my suitcase up the flights of stairs, which I now count in halfs to make it easier for my mind to accept the exercise, I unpacked my things, restored my sense of order and rested. This is a great day.

Peace be with you and follow you. You are loved!

Day Twenty-Two, Hiccup, Honfleur!

I’m pretty sure I can be the butt of a good cosmic joke. I know I was today. I was scheduled to pick up the mini-car at noon, last transaction before they close for two hours for lunch. They really do that. A LOT of places basically say “Piss off” for two hours. The car rental place was one of them.

I arrived on time, got all the paperwork started, got out my credit card that I JUST got the bill for that said I owed $0.00 because I paid it off before the trip. Apologies, a phone call to the bank, and it turns out the car place was charging me $5.47 over my limit. Oh for the love of Pete! It got my goat a bit because I’ve rented from this company before without a large deposit or anything. It was toot-sweet to do it which is why I did it this time.

The shop closed up and I kept at it until I found out what the issues were and resolved them. I waited for the lunch time to pass. I stopped in a bakery and got a croissant and a double espresso. I was people watching because I hit right before the lunch rush. It was fantastic. Directly across from the window where I sat watching was a mural with a smaller one next to it.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear?! But a CHICKEN!

It was to my delight that it was on a building that said “Climb Up!” Pathe’! didn’t translate.

I had to do something to kill time, so I took a couple of pictures of things I truly appreciate about Europe. The trains, the street signs, the walkways, bike lanes, hardly any potholes. Honestly, we have nothing on European transportation. They have it dang near mastered as far as I can tell.

One o’clock rolled around and I went down to wait by the closed rental place. I happened to meet a father and daughter from Minneapolis/St. Paul Minnesota! We chit-chatted for a bit, well I did. Silence just isn’t my game. I do it because I have to, but dude, ENGLISH! I take my language for granted so much. Every person I’ve spoken with, in some capacity, speaks more languages that the average American. That’s rather shameful considering we’re supposed to be global.

I let them go first because they had a tighter time frame than I did. I even told them about Miss Marge Swenson! Minnesota was her home state while she grew up. When it was my turn, the woman listened as I explained what the deal with my card was. With a bit of nip-and-tuck, she was able to complete the transaction completely smooth.

I was lead out to a Fiat 500 EV. No shit. Not only is it an electric vehicle, BUT it turned out to be an automatic! WOOT! She gave me the basics, including pushing a button to open the door…no. No latches, just a button. Could you imagine NOT being told that and trying to get out? Talk about a really stupid reason to call roadside assistance.

Because I got delayed by two hours, I had to kind of haul ass to make my check-in time and my appointment time. I was so intimidated by driving. I learned quickly that the moment you let off the accelerator in an EV, the speed drops pretty darned quick. It’s not like a hybrid that is similar to the gasoline engine I’m used to. Plus side, it was relatively easy to maintain speed.

Boy do they love round-abouts here. I can’t tell you how many I went through on my trip, but there were more than I’ve ever done before. They do keep the traffic moving pretty well overall. They’re not difficult to use, but they are a bit cumbersome the first go-round…ask me how I know. Facepalm!

I arrived in Honfleur at 3:40PM (1540). I met with the owner of the place I’m staying. It’s a charming home with paintings she did on the walls. There is a front room, a kitchen behind that, a spacious bathroom, and a soothing bedroom at the back of the apartment.

Her name is Sylvie. She clearly loves where she lives. The painting on the far left is her favorite of her work.

Off to my appointment I went after checking into the lovely home.

Once I found the studio, I went in the wrong door. I’m telling you, I mean well, but getting lost here is a thing. I found the right door and the woman named Mireille greeted me warmly. She brushed aside my apologies for my getting lost. She was listening to Oasis turned on low. She had a canvas on my side, a canvas on her side, so many colors, so many choices, so many brushes. Pardon me, but I practically drooled in anticipation.

She spoke a little English so we communicated mostly with pointing, exagerrated movements and, because we had paint on our hands, Siri. We painted and enjoyed each other. She showed me techniques that I hadn’t thought of but really were duh type of things. She encouraged highlights and lowlights. She was fiddling around on hers, showing me different things. SQUEE!

For whatever reason, the pictures won’t upload. I’ll have to share them tomorrow. I’ll also share the photos of her studio, the restaurant she showed me where I had divine food and a glass of wine from the region. Hopefully the internet will bless me with a better connection tomorrow.

Peace be with you. You are loved!

Art by Mare Martell

ORBY, Yolks, pen and ink on paper
Lorraine the Warrior Queen, multi-media, canvas SOLD
ORBY, Yolks, pen and ink on paper
The Green Lady, acrylic, canvas, SOLD
ORBY, Yolks, pen and ink on paper
Worm of Fuck off, Wacom, printed
A funny joke, construction paper, SOLD
Wall Art for Wyatt, acrylic, paneling
A Girl and her Dog, acrylic, canvas, SOLD
For the Record, upcycled record with mirrors and acrylic, SOLD
Love Thy Neighbor, cloth, SOLD

Goldfish, acrylic, canvas
Avocado Vulva, acrylic, canvas
Arizona Sunset, acrylic board
Deepest loss, acrylic, canvas
Jen’s Portal, acrylic, canvas SOLD
Judgement, acrylic, canvas
Mandala, Lai Thai Kitchen window, acrylic, glass ONE TIME
Senorita, acrylic, canvas
Louis Armstrong, multi-media SOLD
Freddie’s Cat, acrylic, canvas
House Sign 3’x4′, sealed acrylic, board
Prayer, acrylic, canvas
Greta Turner, paper mosaic, SOLD
Kawphy Hill House Sign, Acrylic, board, SOLD
Cat with Fish, paper mache
Brewed Kawphy, acrylic, board
Be At Peace With Your Depths, acrylic, board
Generations SOLD
Water Goddess, water color, paper
Madly loved, acrylic, board, SOLD
Hummingbird, colored pencil, paper SOLD
Double Light Cover, multi-media
Women at the River, acrylic, canvas SOLD
Support Grand Rapids, acrylic, board DONATED
Martian Sunset, acrylic, board
I SEA, acrylic, canvas
Be Love, acrylic, board, SOLD
I SEA eye, acrylic, canvas
Miss Marge’s Cat, acrylic, canvas SOLD
Depression’s Fire SOLD
Bathing Woman, charcoal, paper
Grasshopper, acrylic, board
Lillies of the Water, colored pencil, paper
Perfekt Human, acrylic, board
Holey Hearts are Beautiful Art, Multi-media
Olive Juice, acrylic, canvas SOLD
Quad light cover, multi-media
East up Fulton, acrylic, canvas
Sunshine on my Shoulders, acrylic on Canvas
Inanna, paper mosaic
Fiery Cassie, Given up
Watercolor Woman, framed, watercolor
Literal Yard Stakes of Be Love and Peace, sealed acrylic, wood
Magda, watercolor, paper SOLD
Abstract Garden, Multi-media
Be Your Own Brand of Ormal, Multi-media
Say Yes, acrylic, board SOLD
Divine Feminine, acrylic, canvas
I SEA eye, acrylic, canvas
White Tiger, colored pencil, paper SOLD
Pray Spirit Pray, acrylic, board, SOLD
Blessed be, Y’all, acrylic, board, SOLD
Literal Yard Stakes of Unity, sealed acrylic, wood
Biergarten Von Schreiber, acrylic, board SOLD
Study in color, acrylic, canvas
NomNomNomaste, acrylic, acrylic board PRINTS
Emily, acrylic, canvas
Harm None, acrylic, board, SOLD
Blessed Be Woman, acrylic, board, SOLD
Doctor Who Fez and Bow Tie, Multi-media, framed SOLD
Key to Happiness, multi-media, framed
Kawphy Hill Breakfast, watercolor, paper SOLD

Peaceful Depths

Be at PEACE with your DEPTHS Acrylic on Board (Guess-timated) 8"X22"

Be at PEACE with your DEPTHS
Acrylic on Board
(Guess-timated) 8″X22″ FOR SALE!

I was asked to explain “Be at peace with your depths.” My interpretation of it may differ from how you take it, but I explained it as this:
“Your depths are your darkest parts. They’re there under all the fluff and brightness. If you’re at peace with them, it doesn’t matter if they bubble to the surface because you can flow through them.”
I received an enthusiastic response followed by: “They are abubbling and I be a troublin over them. I do understand that I must contend with the dark and negitive BUT me no like it one bit.”
“Nobody LIKES negative thoughts, but if you deny them, then you deny a part of who you are. It’s okay to have them. It’s okay to feel them. It’s not okay to dwell there. I’ve suffered from PTSD. I understand the anger, the frustrations, the mood swings. To maintain what I have right now, I use a lot of meditation, breathing, grounding, shielding, and visual aids to relieve the symptoms.”
Feel free to share your interpretations of this in the comments. Be Love