Podcast Episode: Healing, Power, And Self-Reclamation

Pip: Mare Martell writes like someone who has decided, very firmly, that shrinking is for wool sweaters.

Mara: Today we're covering two territories that turn out to be the same conversation from different angles — what it looks like to take up space on your own terms, and what it sounds like to refuse to give that space back under pressure.

Pip: Let's start with the case for expansion.

Self-Expression And Taking Up Space

Mara: The question both posts in this segment are circling is deceptively simple: what happened to the version of you that had no rules about how much room she was allowed to occupy?

Pip: Take up Space answers that directly. Here is the line that does the most work: "You were meant to be loud; to take up the space stolen from you by those who fear your wealth of experience and wisdom."

Mara: And the consequence is right there in the next sentence — words like old, crone, bitch get reframed not as insults but as tools of containment. The post is saying the vocabulary used against you was engineered to keep you small.

Pip: Which is a fairly efficient piece of social criticism dressed up as a pep talk.

Mara: Retrieve the Wild Woman traces how that containment gets installed in the first place. It maps the stages — girlhood, tweens, dating age, marriage — as a sequence of rule changes, each one narrowing what's permitted. By adulthood, the post argues, the Wild Woman is still there, just floating along behind, staring at the mud puddles.

Pip: The mud puddle as existential metaphor is doing a lot of heavy lifting, and honestly it earns it.

Mara: The post also cites a National Science Foundation figure — that people average over fifty thousand thoughts a day — to make the point that even ten thoughts about you amounts to 0.02 percent of someone's mental real estate. The worry about what others think costs you far more than it costs them.

Pip: So the math of self-consciousness is terrible and you should stop doing it.

Mara: That's essentially the argument, yes. Both posts land on permission — not permission granted by anyone else, but the kind you extend to yourself. Which is where the next segment picks up, because permission is a different thing entirely when it's being actively withheld.

Survivor Healing And Resistance

Mara: NO MORE is a poem written for a Clothesline Project event at a domestic violence crisis center, and it names its targets plainly from the first line — not victims, but the systems and people that tolerate violence and silence survivors.

Pip: The poem earns its title by repeating it as a refrain that builds. Here is the turn where it shifts from apology to declaration: "I won't lay prostate on the canvas and beg forgiveness for a sin I didn't commit but HE did. No. I won't do that. No More!"

Mara: What that shift means in practice is a formal refusal of the guilt transfer — the mechanism by which survivors get prosecuted in the court of public opinion while perpetrators get released back into the world. The poem names that directly: "while you sat in judgment of MY actions and MY life, He repeated his offensive on a sister and a wife."

Pip: That is not metaphor. That is a documented pattern described in plain verse.

Mara: The poem moves through several registers — grief, fury, irony — but it ends in collective voice. It closes by expanding from "I am one woman and I count" outward to "We are women whose light cannot be dimmed," building to a call-and-response that was clearly written to be spoken aloud in a room full of people who needed to hear it together.

Pip: There is a difference between a poem you read and a poem that is asking you to stand up while you read it. This one is the second kind.

Mara: And it connects back to everything the first segment was building toward — the Wild Woman who was told to step around the puddle, the woman told to stay small, eventually finding a voice loud enough to say the words that matter.


Pip: Taking up space and refusing to give it back — those turn out to be the same act at different moments in the same life.

Mara: Next time, we'll see what other territory that life covers.

Cloth Worth Weaving

We brought our screaming demons to heel

Our human bonds illuminate our immortal shields

Our roots run deep in Appalachian dead

Earned by laughter,

tears,

and broken bread

The Fates have granted the brightest path left

Deeply, clearly woven, in waft and weft

Intricate dances of prismatic threads

Bedecked in a wardrobe from deep riverbeds

Created with magic from circles of trust

The sacred chalice untarnished by rust

The Living Altar of each human’s being

Covenant together a future farseeing

Confidential

For the first time in my adult life, I am wearing a tankini with a big fluffy skirt over it and my belly is hanging out. I didn’t go swimming, but I am wearing my swimsuit. At first, I was a little nervous, but then I trust myself in the confidence of a balding, middle-aged man who is talking about his Jesus and how women need to be submissive. And I’ve walked around town, not giving a fuck.

Born to Shine ✨
Inner Joy turned on high!

BTW: Today is my Bestie’s birthday. I’m celebrating her in all her wonder. She is so very human and so authentic to her spirit it would be the biggest challenge not to admire her.

Every bit as real in person

Witness

I will be your witness.

I, but a casual name to your kin,

will hold you truly and dearly,

cherish deeply the breaths

Between ideas, ideology, and emotions

That I have been honored to share with you.

With the reverence afforded a blessing

I will weep for the absence

of your knowledge

severed by inevitable occasion

Master to servant

Teacher to student

Friendship entertained

with portions communal

A time of Kairos inspected.

The right, critical, or opportune moment

To bring witness and testimony of you

To the level of intimacy you’ve granted.

Unexpected Holiness

As a practicing Death Doula, I have the privilege and honor to walk people home. Sometimes the human I am assisting has a goal they want to accomplish before they die or they want specific music playing throughout their stay with hospice. The sky is the limit if I can get it done.


My most recent client, Alden* (not his real name), is one I’ve known for well over a decade. I have been his caregiver for several of those years and his POA for the last few months.

He never married or had kids except for his beloved cats whom he referred to as his kids. Puttyhead and Topper were his world. Puttyhead was 15 and died the day Alden came home from an extended stay at an after hospital rehab facility. Topper is also 15 and lovingly small.

Only a month later, Alden was back in the hospital in critical condition. When he was stable enough to communicate, he expressed a longing to see Topper.
After he returned to a rehab facility, I brought the two together. It was extremely emotional for everyone involved.

Three months later, Alden was again admitted to ICU. This time was far worse than before which prompted end of life discussions. He again, miraculously pulled himself back to stable-ish.

He was given a choice between four options with hospice being three of them in different places. The fourth was terminal reduction of oxygen which was immediately rejected.

Hospice option one had him remaining in ICU but he couldn’t see Topper, but his loved ones could all come visit.

Hospice option number two had him still in the hospital but in a room where he could see his “child”.

The third hospice option was for him to go home to his cat, but the condition was that he couldn’t be on the heavy duty breathing support. He had to be able to be on a cannula. But each attempt at weaning him hadn’t lasted longer than five to six minutes.

I asked him to think about hospice. There was zero pressure to choose. Breaking the hospital/rehab cycle is too personal for me to make the call. I’m there to support them and offer as many feasible options as practical.

I returned the following morning to find him holding steady on a cannula! Three hours at that time with no stat drops. Alden looked pleased with himself and he decided no hospice.
I finished the visit and headed home.

A short while later, I got a call from Nurse Beth explaining that things weren’t working well. Bring the people who love him, which I did.
Within the hour, a small group gathered by Alden’s side. We talked with him, hugged him, shared stories, and then he rallied (It’s rather common for someone to have a surge of energy and seem like their health is improving when death approaches).

The following morning, Alden was awake, alert, and writing down his wishes. He wanted to go home to Topper. We got hospice on board. But Alden wasn’t strong enough for transport.

With a lot of logistics and a stand-off with the administration about bringing in Topper, we figured it out.

Topper arrived and spent two and a half hours sharing time together. These two “old men” said everything they needed to say to each other. Topper crawled up onto Alden’s chest and fell asleep while his dad stroked his fur. The room was filled with so much love and beauty it was heartbreakingly holy.
Alden was tired. He asked me to bring Topper home.

I returned to the hospital and saw symptoms of end of life occurring. (Changes in coloration of fingers, eyes glassy and unable to blink for example). We pulled in a sleeper for me but I stayed with him until he died early morning.
The silence. The absence. The intensity of ancestral grief honoring the life that was and the life that is. The punctuation mark ripped from the book of the living, transferred to the book of the dead was complete.

Paperwork finished, I looked out the window to see the pre-sunrise colors warming the purple sky. I thought, “This is the first sunset my friend can’t see. Another day for me but not for him.” (For clarity, the contrast between the sunrise I was seeing and his sunset shortly before).

I watched the purple change to pink then orange as the sun granted light on the dark day. I felt the love we shared as friends grant me strength and purpose to walk my people home.

Celebrate

The griefs are many

but find value in truth that:

Each breath

Each heartbeat 

Each moment celebrating

Each of those

Is a courtship of death.

By embracing 

THIS breath

THIS heartbeat 

THIS moment of joy

Is a nod of recognition 

To infinite mystery

Blazing celebration

Our age is known

By the buried bones

Of our bloodline

Reflected in chosen heritage

And the legacy of their love.

Survival Safety

It is safe to play with the darkness again.

To coax it out from underneath the basement stairs.

To enthrall the dust from the bone filled closet.

To embrace the shadow that lurks beneath pallet.

The darkness loves to cuddle with the little self

reassuring the little, that learning deep truth

creates a Tower, crumbling accommodated fears

Darkness births wisdom from soul insults and betrayal.

The little’s shadow begs grief for the heart song abducted

Begs sorrow for the wounds caused by caustic demolition

caused by atrocities witnessed, experienced, coerced

The Darkness beseeches with terrified shrieks

anxiously imploring for tenderness and compassion

among the surplus of debris once cherished

Sermon of lies

On the knees of submission 

Hard on the floor

The sin of omission 

A morality score

Prayer hands clasped tightly

Like folding chair pews

Hymns resound violently

Long-sleeved black and blue

Submit to your husband

Follow his lead

Open your thighs

to embrace his seed

If life springs forth

from your virgin womb

raised the red, white, and blue

over a gifted soldier’s tomb

If your life becomes sacrifice

respond to what you allow

remember your promise,

remember your vow

Obey all the rules

follow the commands

Do as your told

Do not give demands

You’re less than a fetus

but more than you should be

tone down your laments

while living hypocrisy

Notes I write myself

I used to write down affirmations I’d find

encouraging words for a desperate receptionist

I creep on the cusp between late middle age and becoming a senior

Inadvertently, I’ve added to my counsil a ticker-tape parade

A collection of curated constellations of firefly stars.

When I felt like I was broken, a commodity to trade,

I used to write down affirmations I’d find.

They called out to other spirits in the abyss

where depth of character is most typically defined

by diagnosis

by trauma

by abuse

by neglect

By unasked questions that create black holes in conversations.

But, I realize now, that the affirmations were crutches for me

a way to organize the parts (corruption tried to kill) into pretty piles

I know now, that the people I’ve met were not, by me, to be saved.

I had no tools of my own. I couldn’t and can’t fix someone else.

Despite the advertisements of affirmations I forced myself to witness,

I felt safe among the wounded and the broken

as if acknowledging their suffering, I could heal my own.

By hand and earth, I lit my beacon, my lantern, and held it aloft.

I’m not a map, but I can point you the way out of the inky depths

I used to write down affirmations, but now, I hold the moment

learn from it, accept it, savor the flavor, come what may