Podcast Episode: Healing, Power, And Self-Reclamation

Pip: Mare Martell writes like someone who has decided, very firmly, that shrinking is for wool sweaters.

Mara: Today we're covering two territories that turn out to be the same conversation from different angles — what it looks like to take up space on your own terms, and what it sounds like to refuse to give that space back under pressure.

Pip: Let's start with the case for expansion.

Self-Expression And Taking Up Space

Mara: The question both posts in this segment are circling is deceptively simple: what happened to the version of you that had no rules about how much room she was allowed to occupy?

Pip: Take up Space answers that directly. Here is the line that does the most work: "You were meant to be loud; to take up the space stolen from you by those who fear your wealth of experience and wisdom."

Mara: And the consequence is right there in the next sentence — words like old, crone, bitch get reframed not as insults but as tools of containment. The post is saying the vocabulary used against you was engineered to keep you small.

Pip: Which is a fairly efficient piece of social criticism dressed up as a pep talk.

Mara: Retrieve the Wild Woman traces how that containment gets installed in the first place. It maps the stages — girlhood, tweens, dating age, marriage — as a sequence of rule changes, each one narrowing what's permitted. By adulthood, the post argues, the Wild Woman is still there, just floating along behind, staring at the mud puddles.

Pip: The mud puddle as existential metaphor is doing a lot of heavy lifting, and honestly it earns it.

Mara: The post also cites a National Science Foundation figure — that people average over fifty thousand thoughts a day — to make the point that even ten thoughts about you amounts to 0.02 percent of someone's mental real estate. The worry about what others think costs you far more than it costs them.

Pip: So the math of self-consciousness is terrible and you should stop doing it.

Mara: That's essentially the argument, yes. Both posts land on permission — not permission granted by anyone else, but the kind you extend to yourself. Which is where the next segment picks up, because permission is a different thing entirely when it's being actively withheld.

Survivor Healing And Resistance

Mara: NO MORE is a poem written for a Clothesline Project event at a domestic violence crisis center, and it names its targets plainly from the first line — not victims, but the systems and people that tolerate violence and silence survivors.

Pip: The poem earns its title by repeating it as a refrain that builds. Here is the turn where it shifts from apology to declaration: "I won't lay prostate on the canvas and beg forgiveness for a sin I didn't commit but HE did. No. I won't do that. No More!"

Mara: What that shift means in practice is a formal refusal of the guilt transfer — the mechanism by which survivors get prosecuted in the court of public opinion while perpetrators get released back into the world. The poem names that directly: "while you sat in judgment of MY actions and MY life, He repeated his offensive on a sister and a wife."

Pip: That is not metaphor. That is a documented pattern described in plain verse.

Mara: The poem moves through several registers — grief, fury, irony — but it ends in collective voice. It closes by expanding from "I am one woman and I count" outward to "We are women whose light cannot be dimmed," building to a call-and-response that was clearly written to be spoken aloud in a room full of people who needed to hear it together.

Pip: There is a difference between a poem you read and a poem that is asking you to stand up while you read it. This one is the second kind.

Mara: And it connects back to everything the first segment was building toward — the Wild Woman who was told to step around the puddle, the woman told to stay small, eventually finding a voice loud enough to say the words that matter.


Pip: Taking up space and refusing to give it back — those turn out to be the same act at different moments in the same life.

Mara: Next time, we'll see what other territory that life covers.

The Witnesses (updated)

To honor Good Friday, (2015) I was asked to write a poem. I do not proclaim a faith, just a belief in love and the goodness of the human beings that walk this plane. The three part poem below is written from three perspectives witnessing the crucifixion. When it is read, it is from three different voices they come. I hope it speaks to your spirit if you’re so inclined.

Verse One: The Observer

I’m not a Christian, but Lord, if I was,

I’d not stand by and watch them offer up applause

For that man they called a criminal for preaching about love

For the one some call Messiah, while others cry Peaceful dove.

I stand here in the crowd as they cheer this brother’s pain

My heart is filled with sorrow, as his beaten body strains

The laughter that I hear from the festive vicious hearts

Breaks something inside of me, tears my faith apart

I want to scream above the crowd, “HEAR!”

In a voice shrill and loud, “ME!”

With my head no longer bowed, “LORD!”

Releasing my own funeral shroud, “I AM NEAR!”

But I am weak, just human. I am nothing compared to them.

But maybe, my kindred spirits, that’s what moves me to condemn

For I love my God with all my heart, and in God’s house I walk

I serve in supplication, I don’t just talk the talk.

I am not a Christian, but Lord, if I ever loved,

I’d heed the wisdom of the dying man, and thank my God above.

Verse Two: The Participant

How dare that man pass his judgement down on me!

Who does he think he is, telling ME how to believe?!

I’ve learned and taught the toe-RAH

I’ve worshipped at the sacred altar

I’ve cantered every prayer

I can recite them without flaw or falter.

Then this mortal man comes along and claims to be

Far more holy than even me?

The Son of God? Oh, reeeeaaaaaaallly!?

I’ve fixed that preachy “Love Thy Neighbor” fellow

I paid my thirty silver to hear him scream in falsetto.

Sometimes the laws I enforce prevent me from doing what’s right

I pass the coins to Roman hands, let them bloody their own hands tonight

This should make my people think twice before leaving our faith

To follow a crazy instigator, that rejects my loving God’s face.

Verse Three: The Intimate

I am hidden in the darkness, afraid to show my face

“Oh Lord, why’d they tell us that Yeshua fell from grace?

You showed me my friend Judas with thirty silver in his fist

Forsake my dear beloved with cold betrayal’s kiss

You let my holy brother be taken

from the garden where we prayed.

You allowed him to be arrested

when you could have let him stay.”

I am hidden in the darkness, afraid they’ll point at me and say

That I was clearly one of his. That they’ll kill me the same way.

“Oh Lord, why have they called for my redeemer to be killed?

When ne’er a drop of anguish from his gentle lips have spilled?

I do not feel you near, Oh God, I’ve lost your loving light

When they took my sweet friend, Yeshua, away in darkest night.

If I weren’t hidden in the darkness, barely safe from Roman harm

I’d scream out my torment, beating my chest to sound alarm.

“Hosanna! Hosanna! I sing to your precious name

Hosanna! Hosanna! My finger points my brother’s shame.

My faith is ever yours, even when I don’t understand.

I mean, you took us through the desert, 40 years we wandered sand

And yet, my Father, I hide here, within this darkened room

I wonder, holy patriarch if his death will also be my doom.”

I am hidden in the darkness, despair my wretched dominion

Oh God! My Loving God! Remove my deserter’s vision.”

Live out loud

Do not wad your spirit up in a crumpled ball to be tucked away or discarded. Spread out your body to relish the wrinkles of wisdom topped off with your star shine luminosity. Smooth back the night to raise the powerful roots that feed your soul with your destiny.

You weren’t meant to shy away from your glory, you were born to glitter wildly, bubble fruitfully, and bloom in magnificence like those before you. There are no boundaries beneath your feet, only your path.

You were meant to be loud; to take up the space stolen from you by those who fear your wealth of experience and wisdom. They use old, crone, bitch, or other words to describe those who embrace their true nature with delighted abandon. Those are words that mean survivor, wise, and assertive. Those words are meant to keep you small, withered, starving for approval. You own their power.

You do not require permission to explode with color, dance joyfully wherever/whenever you please, or to laugh until your eyes leak. You were born for this. I can’t wait to be a wild human with you!

Hurricane Gale

I honestly feel like I am the eye of the hurricane 🌀.

No matter what happens around me, it’s going to be how it is.

I have control, such as it is, over my reactions even with big emotions.

I feel centered and balanced.

I’m shifting with the currents, adjusting my sails, allowing the journey to reveal itself as it comes.

I am calm.

This is my peace.

My nature

It is in my nature to return to nature
Nurturing my spiritual gifts
Reveling in loam and water
Allowing my soul to tendril
Deep into the rocky soil
Pulling the wisdom into my hands
Pushing out that which no longer serves
Light and dark are the same
Intuition singing a celestial choir
Feeling in my bones the pulsation
The undulation of the Universe
Welcoming the power that is mine
Acknowledging the sacrifices made
On my behalf before I was born
Into this life.
Into this body.
Into this time.

Just Shy

Not a shrinking violet

Or scared to use her voice

Like a maestro with an instrument

She delivered courageous joy

Dire situations didn’t daunt her

A guidon in a hurricane

although the grim did haunt her

Fear forgot her name

Fishing

I entered the Anderson County Fair this with a wood art piece I call “Fishing”. Today I got news!

Fishing

Last year, I entered this piece made of paper and embellishments:

Durga

My confidence is accepting myself.

Murder

I am repulsed by the weight of my skin

As if my every breath is a sin

Emotional trauma’s affection

Dissociative disconnection

Grappling a height I’ll never climb

For long ago, I was left behind

Every step I’ve made, I’ve done alone

Bitterness in my haunted bones

Illusions of love, of commitment, of joy

Are rotting with lies set to destroy

At times, I believe, I will rise above

That I will know peace of the mythical dove

But the curtain falls and the show is done

And I realize I have never won

I’ve stepped in line with my own path

Which cost me relationships in its wrath

But choices made were neither bad nor good

But all were made from a basic falsehood

That I was never good enough no matter how I tried

So, you see, I murdered her, so that I could live and thrive

Growing Myself

My ancestral wisdom is tangible in my sunburnt skin, tasted on my compassionate tongue, washed in glorious joy, baptized in horrific sorrow. I am spirit ever expanding, heated with a desire to be loved, buried in the beaches of hourglass sands using a cracked red plastic bucket and a too small yellow shovel. I’m thirsty for knowledge, recumbent in peace. I am decayed by grief with only a mildly offensive odor. I have rebuilt myself, my life, my dreams with non-stock aftermarket replacement parts out of every past me I’ve ever been.

Grown

Flames surrounding a blue figure with gray shadow people watching.
Past life

I have lived in darkness

Reveled in its muck

Too lost to seek out beauty

Too broken to give a fuck

I have succumbed to anger

At the injustice of it all

I’ve witnessed deadmen falter

I’ve heeded hateful calls.

I have chewed away the chains

Of violent neglectful abuses

I have blamed myself and blamed the stars

I have justified it with childish excuses

I’ve rejected ancestral wisdom

To bleed out my unique path

I’ve run. I’ve crawled. I’ve slithered

I’ve ground myself to ash

I’ve built myself a castle

With every grain of sand

I’ve flown through vicious storms

Without a personal command

I’ve crashed and burned a thousand times

Roasted marshmallows on bridges I’ve burned

I’ve picked myself up and dusted me off

Each scar a battle-wound earned

I’ve cavorted with sinners and prostitutes

I’ve imbibed heavily in the drink

I’ve witnessed senseless violence

And still refused to sink

Because that darkness cannot win

It isn’t who I’ve become

It may be where I once have dwelled

But I will never revisit or succumb