Category Archives: Relationships
Three (TW: Child SA)
Even at the age of three
As I slid my feet
Between the sheets
I hope that this will finally be
The last night that
He comes for me
That my sign shows
“No Vacancy”
Not cancer as I’m born to be
According to astrology
A quintessential homebody
Too close to the family
The backwash of a broken tree
Fueled on by catastrophe
I am an apostrophe
surrounded by parenthesis
I am stripped of every modesty
Unrequited progeny
Without a verbal loquacity
Hidden horrors and atrocities
Indigo child anomaly
His rejection of monogamy
Forced his vain idolatry
As if I believed, not him, but me
Responsibility for his tragedies
Repulsive as his fingers be
Lollipops he offers free
What treachery is the “non-candy”?
I was cradle rocked deceptively
Robbed of my autonomy
Even at the age of three
As I slide my feet
Between the sheets
I pray that this will forever be
The last night that
He comes for me.
Altar Building (Video)
The Last Birthday
For Alan England
We gathered in joy to celebrate
92 years of adventures
We ate carrot cake with cream cheese frosting
He ate a whole slice
Small forkfuls gifted
I gave him nourishment of body
Refreshment of spirit
Asked questions of his life
Heard stories of his rescue
From a cave from a read report
From a caving buddy
Decades of friendship revealed
Small and barely loud enough to hear
The man approaching his history, laughed at himself,
Surrounded by love and tenderness
Exuded by his blessed daughters,
Cherished by friends
A relaxed camaraderie blossomed
Filling the room, breaking through the windows into the wooded view
We celebrated his life joyfully
By showing up in loving attention.
Grown

I have lived in darkness
Reveled in its muck
Too lost to seek out beauty
Too broken to give a fuck
I have succumbed to anger
At the injustice of it all
I’ve witnessed deadmen falter
I’ve heeded hateful calls.
I have chewed away the chains
Of violent neglectful abuses
I have blamed myself and blamed the stars
I have justified it with childish excuses
I’ve rejected ancestral wisdom
To bleed out my unique path
I’ve run. I’ve crawled. I’ve slithered
I’ve ground myself to ash
I’ve built myself a castle
With every grain of sand
I’ve flown through vicious storms
Without a personal command
I’ve crashed and burned a thousand times
Roasted marshmallows on bridges I’ve burned
I’ve picked myself up and dusted me off
Each scar a battle-wound earned
I’ve cavorted with sinners and prostitutes
I’ve imbibed heavily in the drink
I’ve witnessed senseless violence
And still refused to sink
Because that darkness cannot win
It isn’t who I’ve become
It may be where I once have dwelled
But I will never revisit or succumb
Be With What Was
I cling to his hand while he clings to life
His view is the woodland with death his midwife
His eyes see something I cannot comprehend
Each finished stage whispers goodbye
Wordlessly he measures towards his inevitable end
While sorrow bows my head, trying not to cry
Time spent together fills my thoughts undaunted
“Be with what was.” My spirit tells me quietly
Flooding me with memories, what I knew of him is wanted
I reject the wisdom I am given, holding on to him defiantly
His breathing rustles his lungs so deeply, erratic in its spurts
He’s giving in completely, “Oh Adonai, this hurts!”
TAMP: Honorarium

From the forest comes the howl
Loam of earth’s dead rise
Ascending lift of sacred fowl
Imminent his demise
The snort of buck calls to a doe
A blue jay alarms the wood
Hastened river onward flows
The frigid dusk holds good.
A witness to the story
He is silent in the still
Accolades and glory
Abandoned from his will
His legacy is found abiding
In maple, in walnut, or oak
His spirit freely residing
Among his beloved folk.
From the forest comes the howl
Loam of nature’s rise
Ascending lift of sacred fowl
The undertaking of goodbyes.
Altar Building
Holy light ripples from one prayer to the next
Candle to candle
Continuous Hope lit liberally
From one heart to another
A sustainable support
To ease burdens
To celebrate joys
To guide one another
With wisdom and reverence
A catalyst towards Universal Love
Progress towards Justice
A beacon towards personal truth
A stable trust in sacred communion
Of torchbearing faith outwardly
Reflection of our own hearts
Rising like the morning mist in a meadow
Vacillation
Sometimes when I’m alone
feeling sorry for myself
Lonely for the company of another,
I think of you.
I look around and see artifacts
gathered around me like ghosts.
I remember how much we laughed.
But I also remember how much I cried.
I feel the warmth of your hand.
I feel a longing for what was; not what is.
I miss you terribly
but not enough to give up the happiness I’ve built.
I refocus on my own company
I think of everything I’ve accomplished since “we”
And yes, I still miss you, but you’ve become
a fond memory of abandoned dreams
Departure
The vivid light of the dawning day
brought warmth, unexpected,
in an unusual way.
Relinquished labor past
silence in the brightness
among the spirits now cast
Peace found in the holy hour
grief intensifies exponentially
revealing its raw power
The request has been distilled
Absent heartbeat in the once vital body
The dash has now been fulfilled


