Dumped

Some fool thought it would be a good idea to desert a rooster and a hen near a heavily traveled road in a shopping district by my house. I’ve been unsuccessful in capturing them so far, but it’s getting dark and I have corn.

My fashion first mindset is full on right now.

My shirt has 3 chickens on it and reads
“I ❤️ dinosaurs “
This is the dude I’m chasing

Three (TW: Child SA)

Even at the age of three

As I slid my feet

Between the sheets

I hope that this will finally be

The last night that

He comes for me

That my sign shows

“No Vacancy”

Not cancer as I’m born to be

According to astrology

A quintessential homebody

Too close to the family

The backwash of a broken tree

Fueled on by catastrophe

I am an apostrophe

surrounded by parenthesis

I am stripped of every modesty

Unrequited progeny

Without a verbal loquacity

Hidden horrors and atrocities

Indigo child anomaly

His rejection of monogamy

Forced his vain idolatry

As if I believed, not him, but me

Responsibility for his tragedies

Repulsive as his fingers be

Lollipops he offers free

What treachery is the “non-candy”?

I was cradle rocked deceptively

Robbed of my autonomy

Even at the age of three

As I slide my feet

Between the sheets

I pray that this will forever be

The last night that

He comes for me.

Whatever the Face

You don’t need permission to be angry with God
You’re not less of a human or any more flawed
It’s okay to yell, to scream, and to shake
To groan under your burden while your heart aches
To feel like you’re in it, totally alone
The weariness digging down deep in your bones
You don’t need permission to question your faith
To want something different than the cards that have played
You’re perfectly normal to deny what is true
The mistakes that were made that you can’t undo
Rejecting condolences because then “IT” is real
Bargaining, begging, willing to make deals
Wherever your God is, whatever the face
Know that you’re held in comfort and grace
The shoulders you cry on, the prayers that are offered
Are all given up to the ultimate Author

Beauty of Grief

Where is the beauty found in grief

when the eyes swell up without relief

and spill in torrents over cheeks?

when snot runs thick filling tissue upon tissue

and sobs are wrought of unresolved issues?

Where is the beauty found in grief

where emotions steal time like a skillful thief

rejecting what is, without relief?

An alteration of time, of space

pilfered from the “what was” place?

Where is the beauty found in grief

a loving acknowledgement of the deceased

acceptance of the transition to their newborn peace

One breath forward in the journey of healing

At the altar of death knelt keening

The Last Birthday

For Alan England

We gathered in joy to celebrate

92 years of adventures

We ate carrot cake with cream cheese frosting

He ate a whole slice

Small forkfuls gifted

I gave him nourishment of body

Refreshment of spirit

Asked questions of his life

Heard stories of his rescue

From a cave from a read report

From a caving buddy

Decades of friendship revealed

Small and barely loud enough to hear

The man approaching his history, laughed at himself,

Surrounded by love and tenderness

Exuded by his blessed daughters,

Cherished by friends

A relaxed camaraderie blossomed

Filling the room, breaking through the windows into the wooded view

We celebrated his life joyfully

By showing up in loving attention.

Grown

Flames surrounding a blue figure with gray shadow people watching.
Past life

I have lived in darkness

Reveled in its muck

Too lost to seek out beauty

Too broken to give a fuck

I have succumbed to anger

At the injustice of it all

I’ve witnessed deadmen falter

I’ve heeded hateful calls.

I have chewed away the chains

Of violent neglectful abuses

I have blamed myself and blamed the stars

I have justified it with childish excuses

I’ve rejected ancestral wisdom

To bleed out my unique path

I’ve run. I’ve crawled. I’ve slithered

I’ve ground myself to ash

I’ve built myself a castle

With every grain of sand

I’ve flown through vicious storms

Without a personal command

I’ve crashed and burned a thousand times

Roasted marshmallows on bridges I’ve burned

I’ve picked myself up and dusted me off

Each scar a battle-wound earned

I’ve cavorted with sinners and prostitutes

I’ve imbibed heavily in the drink

I’ve witnessed senseless violence

And still refused to sink

Because that darkness cannot win

It isn’t who I’ve become

It may be where I once have dwelled

But I will never revisit or succumb