Tag Archives: being human

*%(&% Covid got me

Well that was an adventure I do not wish to revisit.

I started feeling off late on the 24th. Like, foggy froggy gross kind of off. Knowing that one of the places I frequent to visit clients had a recent outbreak that spread rather rapidly and even though I wore my mask and sanitized the dickens out of my hands, I thought to test.

On a Covid test, it tells the tester to set a timer for 15 minutes and read the results. Dudes, it wasn’t even a minute when I got the positive test. Yup, still the same at the 15 minute mark. I tested positive. FARTS!

I’ve avoided the plague for four years, but in my line of work of caregiving, I could only dodge the bullet for so long. I’m sorry my reign ended but I wouldn’t trade the time I had with my beloved clients to change that.

Three days of heavy flu-like symptoms, then a cough which gradually dwindled. Fever free on day 5. Feeling as normal as I can at 10 days out.

I hate being sick. I hate not being able to GO! GO! GO! It goes against my ethics, but I further know that if I don’t take care of myself, I’m setting myself up for failure. I’m not willing to fail. I’m not willing to give up. I’m not willing to surrender.

Intimate Brain

Repeatedly she kissed my hand

hugged my arm close to her body

She apologized not with “I’m sorry,”

but repeatedly with “I love you.”

Her eyes met mine briefly

with the woman she once was

vanished in a blink which, again,

began her litany of obsession.

What I witnessed, what I felt, what I learned,

wasn’t enough to ease her anxiety

her frustration and anger

even if she doesn’t quite understand why.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“I love you too, dear one.”

I truly do. I fell in love with my new friend

Brain intimate with momentary lucidity

She smiled sunshine towards me despite her clouds

I promised to carry her love with me

Because I LOVE You

Transformation

Because I LOVE you

The revolution begins

Not with violence

But in the most sacred part of a living being

A shift in belief

A consideration of possibilities

A seed planted in the right conditions

An adventure and adaptation

A surrender to truth

A conspiracy of hope.

Equity

Because I LOVE you

When the “them” become we

When there is celebration in diversity

When homogenization is frowned upon

When being different is cherished

When others become us

When we walk ten miles beside them

When we seek to share our spirits

Without fear, without repercussions

When balance is restored to all living beings

Plurality

Because I LOVE you

You can bow your head

Covered or uncovered

You can walk holy halls

With shoes or without

You can pray all day

Or not at all

You can profess your faith

Or you can remain silent

You can go to church

Or you can stay at home

Justice

Because I LOVE you

I will protect you to the best of my ability

I will see you as the human you are

I will not convert you or force feed you

I will be quiet, so your voice is heard

I will walk beside you and stand behind you

I will support your righteous cause

I will encourage your truth

I will honor the authority over your personal autonomy

Generosity

Because I LOVE you

When you are overwhelmed and crying

I will bring comfort and compassion

When you are hungry

I will feed your spirit and your belly

When you are sick or weak

I will spoon feed you broth or lend you my strength

When your heart is heavy with grief

I will give you a haven to wade into the depths

When you are in need of a hand up

I will give what I can, when I can, as often as I can

Interdependence

Because I LOVE you

You are me.

I am you.

No matter which faces you see when you pray

No matter how you show up

No matter what, you are my kin

My blood is filled with your laughter and tears

You may not understand,

But know that I hold no judgment on your heart

I don’t know your hardships or happiness

But I know that you are LOVEd exactly as you are

Despite of and because of everything that makes you, YOU.

I am a Unitarian Universalist

“Because I LOVE you and I obey the Law of LOVE.”

Just Shy

Not a shrinking violet

Or scared to use her voice

Like a maestro with an instrument

She delivered courageous joy

Dire situations didn’t daunt her

A guidon in a hurricane

although the grim did haunt her

Fear forgot her name

Inspired by Only Fragments

#2715

“it’s because he’s the sun, the source of all light in the universe, and you’re just the moon with no light of your own.“

I have been the sun shining so brightly that you lit up as well. But I was greedy, self-involved, callous to your pleas for your own two feet. I couldn’t hear your voice because mine was too loud and I loved the sound of it more than I did yours. I couldn’t hear your suffering because I believed I was the only one who had a right to be the victim. I forced you to be a martyr for my cause, not yours. I stripped you naked of everything I didn’t like about myself, absorbed your “good parts” as if they were my own. I tipped the balance of justice so that I appeared the one who was rightly outraged. I was repulsed by your actions because they were exactly what I would do if I weren’t so vain to believe I was superior to you. I held your confidence because that was in our agreement. You held mine because that’s who you wanted to be, or rather who “I” wanted you to be. For all of that, I hope you can forgive my recklessness, my rejection, my lack of confidence in who you were born to be. I beg for your grace and mercy that I refused to offer you, or myself, while I preyed on my own foibles as a pathetic excuse for a relationship with you.

Vigil of Peace

Silence can be difficult for people. It’s particularly deafening when the person they want to talk to most is actively dying. The feeling of helplessness and longing can feel catastrophically overwhelming. I wanted to offer something that people could use to comfort both themselves and the person who is dying.

I approached Laura Davis, a person I’ve collaborated with in the past, with lyrics for a simple bedside song that could be sung as easy as “Happy Birthday”. She didn’t disappoint. Below is the music and lyrics for you to use as you need to. I sing a slight variation of notes than is written, but that’s because I’m a mediocre singer with delusions of grandeur.

Approaching Senior

older person holding an open book near a window

I am too old to be considered youthful

Yet, I’m a child, still wet-behind-the-ears

I’ve lived a life precariously truthful

But still, I’ve yet to see all of my years.

I have been as close to death as dust

But I still don’t know it by its common name

I have gifted dirges to those I’ve loved

A place in my heart they’ve claimed

If I’m blessed to live an entire century,

I hope that I won’t sit alone by the window

Waiting for those I love to learn too late they love me.

I’d languish for their amity, my companion, my shadow

There is a certain reverence to a life lived unfurled

The spiral tapestries of the lessons learned

Woven back upon itself briefly, beautifully curled

Love and joy have always been the life for which I’ve yearned

Fishing

I entered the Anderson County Fair this with a wood art piece I call “Fishing”. Today I got news!

Fishing

Last year, I entered this piece made of paper and embellishments:

Durga

My confidence is accepting myself.

What Once Was

I know I didn’t fall from grace

But I am here,

Looking in the mirror

Staring at your face

Where once in unison our hearts beat

I couldn’t wait to share

My life stories laid bare

Somehow, now, I feel defeat

The connection that I had

With you has released

The distancing increased

It is neither good nor bad

It is what it was created to be

It’s darker now than ever it was

I cannot feel you in my blood

A monument of a you and I; “we”