HNBR: Part I of Day 4

Our ferry company of choice.
At the dock waiting to board the ferry.
Our ferry is about to arrive at our dock.
This is the very faint outline of the 9:30am ferry heading to the island.
It was cold enough for me to buy gloves first thing. This was our front view.
As we neared the island, The Grand Hotel came into view. The boat ride was choppy so not the easiest to capture it.
This is a snapshot of popular attractions.

This is the first stop we made with a bathroom conveniently nearby. Next post will show you more of the day. Jen said today wasn’t boring.

Death Conference

I get hyper-excited about a lot of things. I love chickens, Kawphy, my sainthood friends, my church, etc. But, getting excited about death? Yup. That’s also me.

My saint of a bestie Jen woke me up at 4:20 this morning. I was setting my alarm before going to sleep, couldn’t figure out what I wanted to wake up to, plugged up my phone assured that my alarm would go off. Only it didn’t because I didn’t save it. Yes, you can eye roll.

My brain was on backwards so I hope I didn’t forget to pack any essentials. I was mostly ready minus chargers and my laptop.

I’m currently sitting in the Knoxville airport awaiting a flight to Chicago. Then, off to Seattle. After catching an Uber to my hotel (a block away from the conference location), I’m going to rest, breathe, and ground myself.

I’ve booked a haunted walking tour for tonight which was recommended by Jordan from Calamity’s Coffee. I’ll catch you up as things unfold.

It’s a great day to be alive!

Day Thirty-Seven, 🎶Borderline(s)

Leaving France, entering Spain
I’m the blue dot. 3AM here, 9PM East Tennessee
About to cross into Portugal.

I’m so tired but holy crap! Fantastic!

Cheers, Coleman’s!! That’s a double espresso.

Day Thirty-Six, Press Start

I’m sitting on the FlixBus in Caen. My cumbersome luggage is loaded under my butt. I feel a complexity of emotions.

I’m excited to see what happens next. I’ve been to Paris, so that part doesn’t feel anything but familiar. I’m not sure if that’s what I mean exactly but it’s close. After Paris, then the fun/fear/excitement/unknown begins.

Truthfully, I’m intimidated by that unknown. More so than when I first arrived. Maybe because it was a rather spontaneous choice to change everything I’d planned at the last minute. Perhaps it’s because the summation of my experience has been a working trip.

I don’t have to work. I don’t have obligations. I’m doing this for me. It feels selfish. It feels uncomfortable. It feels unsafe. But it’s also exhilarating because it’s not something I normally would do. It’s adventure and exploration. It’s new.

I’ll let you know what happens as I leave Caen and head into the rest of my life.

May peace be with you wherever you are or go. You are loved!

Day Thirty Five, Champagne Farewell

I spend time with my client and his family today. It’s the last time I’ll get to see them until they return stateside in December. When I first arrived in the middle of September, it was because of them that I took a chance and stepped outside of my comfort zone. WAY outside.

My client and I exercised his body. I chattered on about things that I’m learning or figuring out. He’s pretty quiet, but he surprises me with how much he pays attention. It was a blustery day. Chilly, windy, rainy. The day seemed sad. I felt sad.

I fall in love with my clients in a non-romantic way. It allows me to give grace, feel compassion, and evoke empathy even when things are a challenge. I absolutely adore this family. Truly it has been an honor to work with them for three years and many into the future, (As Miss Pat would say:) God willing and the creek don’t rise.

We drank real champagne from the real Champagne region in France. It wasn’t quite how I envisioned it, but sharing it with people I adore and love made it all the better. They’re just incredible people.

This evening I’m packing up all my stuff to leave for Lisbon, Portugal tomorrow. I’ll be taking a bus (31 hours…don’t even) to Paris, then on to Lisbon. I’ll arrive Friday at around noon (Insert Miss Pat quote here).

I have felt such a raw presence of myself here. My eyes are open, my ears are hearing, my mouth is tasting, my senses are satisfied with my stay here. I’ve seen everything (but one) that I’ve wanted to see. I’ve made no friends which I’m okay with. I love the people here.

Au Revoir to my French Experience.

I knew that if I failed in France, I had the safety net of my clients to call on if I got in over my head. I didn’t, but knowing it was there was reassuring. The training wheels come off tomorrow and I’ll be striking out on my own to explore. I’m lollygagging, farting around, procrastinating even though I should be packing.

Okay, deep breath. Let’s do this, Mare.

May peace be with you wherever you may be. You are loved!

Day Thirty-Four, Get Out of Dodge

I had a couple of small errands to run. Nothing major, but they hardly took up any time. I had to kill some time because they were showing the efficiency apartment today. Instead of going to the right when I exit the building, I went to the left. Like the bear who went over the mountain, to see what I could see.

Nico’s Pizza caught my eye. I hadn’t eaten breakfast yet and I was feeling a might bit peckish. Luckily the server spoke English and was able to help me read the menu. I got a pizza I’d never seen before and an Orangina drink. Those are really popular here and served nearly everywhere I’ve been.

This tastes almost like a sparkling orange juice.
This pizza was fantastic! I don’t know what the green stuff is, but it was delicious. There is ham under the greens. That big white ball in the middle is a type of cheese similar to mozzarella but creamier. The green dots on the top of that seems to be an herb of some type, It was absolutely stellar. I ended up taking more than half of it home.

I decided I wanted to rent a bike and toodle around town. I did a Twisto search and discovered where the nearest Velo park was located. As it turns out, it’s right next to the Monoprix I told you about. Trusty translator in hand, I read the screen, follow the prompts and I’m rejected. Uh…I redid the process using another option but it timed me out. I popped around the corner to the Twisto office and spoke with a nice woman behind an official looking desk.

There are two options for renting a bike. One is that you pay 24 Euros for a year subscription which included one hour free. Then it’s 1 Euro per hour of use (an electric assisted bike). Or, you can use your phone and rent a bike for 1 Euro an hour which rings up at the end of each hour. She encouraged me to use my phone. So I went back to the kiosk to try again. Rejected.

Back I went to the office, a random dude acted as a translator for me and explained what happened. You have to have a phone number in France, Belgium, or Germany (I think?). If you don’t have any of those, you can’t rent a bike. Abuh. What a poop. BUT!

Ever the resourceful, I opted to explore on the bus. Since I was at the main terminal, the options were wide open. I was talking to my friend Jen. I told her to pick a number. She chose the number 9. Okay, I say, that’s the bus I’ll take to see where it goes.

I made a quick trip across the courtyard but made a stop so you could see this:

Your guess is as good as mine. It looks like a fancy men’s dress shoe. I wonder what story is behind its placement.

While I was waiting for the bus there were several pigeons pecking or strutting around on the sidewalk. This particular bird had no feet. Little nubs is all this poor, pretty, little thing was keeping mobile.

I named her Peggy.

I got on at the Theatre Quai 3 heading towards Colombelles Mairie. I had no idea what was at the end of the line, but that’s nothing new!

It took roughly a half hour to travel to Colombelles. There was rather heavy traffic at times. The neighborhoods appeared to be comfortable middle class with yards. One thing I really dig about this city is that they use hedges for privacy instead of privacy fences. It really does look more tidy. Very few of the bushy guardians are in disarray. The sidewalks are in excellent condition with some even having a paved biking path!

I’ve made the observation before, but the French take their hair very seriously. Everywhere I’ve gone there have been multiple choices to get your hair did. I am a wash and go type of human, so this obsession with ones crown is rather puzzling to me.

Arriving at the end of the line was a small shopping center sort of like Grove Center in Oak Ridge, TN. It was a bit worn but not in disrepair. Nothing I saw really interested me so I kept walking. I stopped in a mini-mart and got a Perrier because I’m fancy like that. I didn’t open it right away because I’m not very graceful when I’m in unfamiliar territory. I tend to be looking around a lot instead of looking where I’m going.

The road I took had neat houses on one side and a line of mostly closed shops on the other, the side I was walking on. Except the beauty shoppes and the barbers, nothing else seemed to be open. It gave me the feeling of a line from a John Denver song that sings “They roll back the sidewalks, precisely at ten” only this was five in the late afternoon.

I saw a lot of parental figures with young ones scattering around their hips in excited jumping and energetic exclamations. It made me smile as group after group passed me by with a greeting of Bon Soir.

At the end of the sidewalk, there was a roundabout. The view I could see was really something. It was around 60 degrees with a light wind. There was a pergola with a bench tucked off to the side. I sat down on it and opened my beverage.

As I was watching the world go by, enjoying refreshment, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I’ve lived by myself long enough that I really enjoy being with myself. I was heavily engrossed in the moment. Each tingle on my tongue as I drank was a sparkle of now. The breeze carried the Autumn on its coat tails. It was the moment of pure happiness.

It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I’m actually here. Obviously by the posts I’ve been making, I am. But I never imagined in my lifetime an experience like this one. True, I have my client to take care of, but that’s coming to an end until they return to the States.

Lisbon is going to be all solo. No safety net just jump in and see what happens. I want so badly to tell you what I’ve got planned to do while I’m there, but I’ll let you come along for the ride with me instead.

OH! And although there is wifi on the bus, I don’t know that I’ll be able to do post updates on Thursday evening. I’m hoping, but this trip has been known to change direction for no good reason other than it can.

May peace be with you wherever you are and wherever you go. You are loved!

Day Thirty-Two, Change of Plans

Since February I’ve had a plan in place for September and October. I was going to fly into Paris and stay a couple of days. (check) Then take public transportation to Caen, Normandie, France. (check) I planned on staying in one place for September them move to another for the month of October. (check) Then I was going to stay in my client’s home while they went to Morocco. (Uh…) Well that was a bust, so I made reservations for another place in Caen. But…

If I’m not going to be working, why should I stay in one place? I started looking around. I checked out Brussels, Belgium. I looked at Geneva, Switzerland. I checked out The Hague in the Netherlands. But, they are rather cost prohibitive last minute. Then I thought about Barcelona, Spain. Again cost prohibitive.

I have a friend that housesits on the west coast of the U.S. and in Portugal. She’s told me so many good stories about her journeys that I started looking towards Lisbon.

Okay, so a bus goes from Caen to Lisbon via a route through Paris. As it turns out, it’s the same bus I would have used to get to Paris for my flight home.

Well, can my flight be changed from Paris to Lisbon? Why yes, yes it can. Okay, but can I find an affordable place to stay in Lisbon?

Yes indeed. Did you know that you can search for OMG places on airbnb.com? As it turns out there is a hobbit house you can rent, but I couldn’t figure out how to get to the affordable place because it was not very close to Lisbon.

What I did find was a boat. Like a real live boat. It is located near Lisbon, close to public transportation, and it’s affordable.

I rearranged everything, canceled, reworked, submitted, and dudes, I’m going to Lisbon, Portugal! I figure I’m never going to have this opportunity again and if I didn’t do it, I’d kick my own ass for being anxiety-ridden enough to maintain.

Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. No guts, no glory. It’s my intellectual way of saying, “Hey ya’ll, watch this.” We’ll find out what happens.

Downside, the bus trip is like 32 hours. Bonus, I’ll be traveling through a lot of France, across Spain, and into Portugal. Did I forget to mention that some friends from ORUUC, my church back in Tennessee, moved to Portugal last December? OH! AND! They happen to live in the same neighborhood as the hobbit house. Maybe I’ll get lucky and get to see it, but I KNOW I’ll be lucky enough to see them,

We’re already in talks for me to train down to them and spend a couple days. Dudes, the world is a beautiful place.

May peace be with you wherever you are. You are loved!

Day Eight, Caen Botanical Gardens

I woke up late because yesterday I drank too much caffeine and so I was still wide awake this morning at 5AM! That’s only 11PM in East Tennessee, but still. I wishy-washed about what to do and finally decided I’d start with a double espresso (Will I ever learn?!) and some breakfast. I went to the spot where the man speaks enough English to take my order.

It feels sort of sub-human not to be able to do much but grunt and point. I have mastered the order for espresso, so that’s a plus. Bon Jour is common, Merci’, Desole (Diz-ole’) which means Sorry, Au revoir. So far I’ve been able to skate by with those small phrases, but if anyone asks me something in French, I just stare blankly at them, point to my chest, and say American. Most of them laugh at me, which, truly, I deserve.

While enjoying the atmosphere of the restaurant, I decided to look for a park.

I asked Google maps for the nearest parks. I sorted them by distance, selected a Botanical garden and set off. Now, before I go any farther in this story, let me explain something Google didn’t get. When I asked for a garden or park, I didn’t mean the street name. I arrived at the destination only to find that it was a street. MAOU!

Looking at the map, however, I noted that the Caen Botanical Garden wasn’t far away, so I adjusted my sails and set off again.

The little car was painted like the Love Bug Herbie. It was cute and the woman who owned it was an older woman with dyed dark hair. When I put up my camera, she smiled radiantly and laughed.

The screeching I could hear echoing off the building walls turned out to be this handsome seagull. Skyrats I’ve heard them called, but he was none to happy to be hanging out in the neighborhood.

The next picture is a shot down the street where Google sent me to the wrong place. It felt a bit overwhelming with all the details involved in the shot, but the street, itself, was quiet.

The last picture in this set reflects the height, the gothic style, and the detailing of the old homes. Each house on the street had a different, although similar, style. Some had carparks, others had on street parking. I recognize some of the car brands, but there are many I don’t.

At the end of the street, I turned left and walked a good length of block. At the nearby roundabout, there were people bustling about their day. Many of them seemed to be about 65+, carrying groceries, and dressed conservatively.

This is a sign. No, really. I understand the basic words, but I had to use Google translate to really understand. I didn’t bother with the names of the plants because they are carefully curated, marked, and I wanted to enjoy the time I had.

Yes, that’s me. A face with the name. Mare Martell.

Noel Bernard (1874-1911) demonstrated in this greenhouse the symbiosis or fungi in tuberous roots of orchids.

The scent of the earth in the garden was so rich with alien fragrances that it made it hard to breathe…breathtaking. Even in early Autumn, the flowers and plants were holding true to their lives. The temperature was 64 degrees, partly sunny, a breeze blowing but the redolence cleansed my spirit.

Several groups of French schoolchildren were being ushered through the phytology. The teacher attempting to hold their attention was chattering to them as much as they were chittering to each other.

I sat on a bench for a bit to engage my senses with my surroundings. Other than the children in the distance, it was peaceful. Hidden birds in the trees sang praises to the sky. Life is good.

The music of water called to me. I heeded the melody to an eight foot tall cascade tumbling languidly into a shallow pond. I wanted to sit and watch the waterfall, but the carved log bench across from it had been knocked off its base and was resting in an awkward angle removing that possibility.

To the left of the waterfall were some rough stone steps. I climbed up them to the top. The first picture in the above series was my reward. The third picture shows an odd growth pattern. It stretched across the ground for about nine feet before reaching its trunk to the sky. The last picture is a water garden feature. On the bottom right, you can see where it meanders into a stream. The lily pads were growing as if an artist had chosen that precise spot to place them. I sat on a bench and drank in the beauty for a while.

And then there were the sculptures scattered among the natural features. These were a bit more contemporary, but the following statues follow a more traditional sense of aesthetic.

The neatly trimmed hedges that give background to these was being trimmed by a man on a very tall ladder. They are precisely cut to 90 degree angles at the top, forming a box-like structure to them.

An interesting trellis.
The ceiling in the bistro.
A fiery flower near the trellis.

As I made my way back to the apartment where I’m staying, I reflected on the sensory contentment I experienced. It’s like history pumping through my veins in such a magical way that I’ve been absorbed into the world. The architecture is so beautiful that even though things are close together, even touching or seamless, there is a sense of spaciousness. A liberation of the senses that I’d equate to a dream-like state that I don’t want to wake up from any time soon.

My spirit is happy. My heart is full. My body, although cranky, is grateful for the vigor in which I’m engaging with the city. My guidance is to travel as often and as far as possible. Although I’ve traveled quite a bit of the United States, experiencing the uncertainty of the unfamiliar has been extraordinary. And to think, if it weren’t for my clients, I wouldn’t be here! Peace be with you.

“Be Safe”

Okay, I’ll admit it. I want to be safe in the sense that I don’t get shot in my house. I want to be safe in the sense that when I walk down my streets at night with my little dog, waiting on her to do her “business”, I’m not going to be attacked. I want to be safe enough that when I follow the road rules, I don’t get in an accident because others also want to be safe, or rather, unharmed.

But there is a part of me that doesn’t want to be safe. Being safe takes a chunk away from the loudness of life. It reduces the voices of exuberant laughter to polite chuckles. It sucks the genuine grief from our deepest fears and distills it into quiet murmuring condolences. It shatters the adventure of stepping one foot outside of your comfort zone by giving the illusion of safety.

But safety, like everything, is an illusion. It’s not real. It surprises us because we expect things to be the same. We expect to wake up, go about our day without incident, return home, eat the same meal we did last week, watch regurgitated shows with different characters but the same stories, and go to bed at the same time. It’s our expectation of safety that, pardon my french, fucks us up.

Chaos and change are the way of the world. If we could control any of it, we’d be reasonable in our expectations, but we do not. We can do our best not to contribute, by following the rules, obeying laws, keeping an eye out for ne’er-do-wells, but being safe is a lie we tell ourselves so we can live with minimal fear.

My Aunt Lizzie and Uncle Dave are driving a different route back from their vacation in Maine. It has places for them to stop that they’ve never been before which means the potential for a fantastic adventure. But in the commentary on their shared pictures, there were all the comments from a variety of people telling them to, “Be safe.” The comments are made with love and not as admonitions, mind you. They are meant with the best of intentions. But I don’t think I’ll wish them the same.

I wish them to be unharmed but in no way to be safe. I want them to have the adventure they’re hoping for on the new route. I want them to have experiences that will give them the best adventure with minimal difficulty. I want them to see things so spectacular it takes their breath away because they chose to stop somewhere they wouldn’t ordinarily get to see. I want them to experience every drop of grandness in the views, every bliss to be had floating on the breeze. I want them to taste the rain as if it were their first time. To have Ruby show them the newborn idea of life heroic in a way that brings them fits of delight. But, I do not wish them to “be safe”.

Victory at Home

I was standing on Fulton street waiting for the Number 15 to take me to the corner near my home. The wind was brisk with an occasional chill, but the lifting of the hood of my sweatshirt over my head blocked most of it. This particular stop homes three buses headed out and about town. It feels quite familiar as all three round the corner coming out of the transfer station down by Van Andel Arena. I switch feet. I look across to Veteran’s Park where I danced with wild abandon at a Thursday night drum circle held after the Jazz concert at Ah-Nab-Awen park. The Main Library is behind that. I spent hours of research in those rooms. Everything I was looking at seemed familiar, but with a dream-like quality.

I came to the conclusion that I was but a drop in the puddle in their eyes, but in mine, I was so much bigger.

When I moved away from West Michigan in 1989, I had no idea who I was; broken, discouraged, full of lamentations. I had no direction or purpose. I molded myself into the ideals that I believed I was supposed to be. I became a fair wife, a devout church goer, a preacher of God’s love, a model citizen in every way. I provided Christmas for impoverished children, took them on camping trips, advocated for their protection always seeking approval from outside sources. I was miserable.

After the loss of Jordan, I began rethinking my life and the choices that had brought me to a point where I could no longer stay. My marriage was a disaster, my friends were there but they were all much younger than I so their freedoms were different. I still had no idea who I was or what I wanted to be or do. At 25 years old, I decided to find out who that woman looking back at me in the mirror was. I left everything behind. I cut ties with family, friends, acquaintances, and moved back to a small studio apartment in Kentwood. I married again but it crumbled basically from day one. I moved around the country for about a year, using Greyhound as my means of travel.

By the time I ended up in Arizona I was a disaster. I married for a third time. I found a group of friends that, for the first time, not only saw me for who I am, but encouraged me to be everything I was meant to be. I felt like a toddler whose parents delight in the antics of the little one, but at the same time, I was an adult. I radiated humor and enthusiasm. I decided I was strong enough to move, so I did. I moved across the country again to Tennessee where I lived with my father for a brief time. He was a miserable human being that rejected me just as fast as he embraced me. It was constant mixed messages from him which led to uncertainty and instability.

I found God living in a little church tucked away behind a natural shade of trees. I was told to go there and I’m glad I obeyed. It was like coming home. It was the first group of collective people that not only appreciated my wildness, but saught me out for companionship, help, and entertainment. I imagine it’s what being a rockstar feels like. What’s even cooler is that I adored every one of them right back. I couldn’t help it. I’d waited my whole life to know what it was to be me. I learned it at their knee. It was the most difficult day when I had to say goodbye to them and return to my hometown of Grand Rapids.

Only, it wasn’t my Grand Rapids.

It wasn’t the place where the broken little girl made up ridiculous fantasies of being the President of the United States or curing cancer with a brightly colored cardboard box and a stick found on the playground. This wasn’t the city where I dealt with childhood tragedies with self destructive behaviors. Nothing was the same, including the absence of the monsters that didn’t live under my bed but were under the same roofs as me. The dark secrets were held up to the light until their power whimpered into submission.

This city doesnt know me, power in my words, body thick with laughter, hair demonstrably wild, my secrets laid open to the beauty of rainbows once forbidden from my fingertips. This city is unaware that within its limits, there is a woman with courage as deep as a wristcutters truth, but as furious as a hurricane battering abusers with education. Grand Rapids has yet to understand that I, that had all along existed but had been nearly crushed by history, rose up to find my feet.

I’m standing in the middle of Division and Fulton in my mind, screaming with laughter at the pure wickedness of possibilities to be reached. This may not be my Grand Rapids, but it is my home.