Category Archives: Relationships

Be With What Was

I cling to his hand while he clings to life

His view is the woodland with death his midwife

His eyes see something I cannot comprehend

Each finished stage whispers goodbye

Wordlessly he measures towards his inevitable end

While sorrow bows my head, trying not to cry

Time spent together fills my thoughts undaunted

“Be with what was.” My spirit tells me quietly

Flooding me with memories, what I knew of him is wanted

I reject the wisdom I am given, holding on to him defiantly

His breathing rustles his lungs so deeply, erratic in its spurts

He’s giving in completely, “Oh Adonai, this hurts!”

TAMP: Honorarium

From the forest comes the howl

Loam of earth’s dead rise

Ascending lift of sacred fowl

Imminent his demise

The snort of buck calls to a doe

A blue jay alarms the wood

Hastened river onward flows

The frigid dusk holds good.

A witness to the story

He is silent in the still

Accolades and glory

Abandoned from his will

His legacy is found abiding

In maple, in walnut, or oak

His spirit freely residing

Among his beloved folk.

From the forest comes the howl

Loam of nature’s rise

Ascending lift of sacred fowl

The undertaking of goodbyes.

Altar Building

Holy light ripples from one prayer to the next

Candle to candle

Continuous Hope lit liberally

From one heart to another

A sustainable support

To ease burdens

To celebrate joys

To guide one another

With wisdom and reverence

A catalyst towards Universal Love

Progress towards Justice

A beacon towards personal truth

A stable trust in sacred communion

Of torchbearing faith outwardly

Reflection of our own hearts

Rising like the morning mist in a meadow

Vacillation

Sometimes when I’m alone

feeling sorry for myself

Lonely for the company of another,

I think of you.

I look around and see artifacts

gathered around me like ghosts.

I remember how much we laughed.

But I also remember how much I cried.

I feel the warmth of your hand.

I feel a longing for what was; not what is.

I miss you terribly

but not enough to give up the happiness I’ve built.

I refocus on my own company

I think of everything I’ve accomplished since “we”

And yes, I still miss you, but you’ve become

a fond memory of abandoned dreams

Departure

The vivid light of the dawning day

brought warmth, unexpected,

in an unusual way.

Relinquished labor past

silence in the brightness

among the spirits now cast

Peace found in the holy hour

grief intensifies exponentially

revealing its raw power

The request has been distilled

Absent heartbeat in the once vital body

The dash has now been fulfilled

EOL Doula

With trepidation I wait

Better too soon

than way too late

Asking answers of unskilled sight

Maybe so

Maybe tonight

Indecision holds me fast

Supportive heart

as he breathes his last

But will my service be enough

to smooth the edges

of the emotional rough?

Will I be able to be a guide

through the darkness

with my brilliant light?

Will it be enough to attend

the final hour

the welcomed end?

Unwound

I’ve been staring out the window

Waiting for the sound of your ride

But the clock kept on ticking

Wasting the hours

As I could do nothing but cry

You never came home again

Never said hello again

Never heard the sound of my pain

All of the broken bits

Scattered like shards

As I kept on screaming your name

The last words you said to me

Echoed inside my brain

“I’ll always love you.” You said.

I’m wrapped in these blankets now

Cold in this unholy shroud

Facing the three AM dread

Everyone whispers

Offers their sympathies

Telling me I will get through

But I can not listen to all of their symphonies

While I keep Pretending they’re you

Troubled Days Relieved

You try so hard and often fail
a “good” day is a holy grail
Pain and sorrow reign the hours
stealing of your personal power
Weary of the troubled world
wishing innocence again unfurled
Worry feels like a normal skin
horrid lotion on the chaotic spin
Limping through dystopian despair
Certain, no comfort, is found anywhere
Then:
A gentle connection of a caring friend
Abruptly ceases the atrocious trend
Wrapping trouble from stem to stern
Purging anguish of lessons learned
Heart to heart, flourishing peace
Engaging time bereft of grief
Hold on tight and live your life
instead of striving simply to survive
Protected in the shield of love
Uplifted strength to rise above

The Wound of Sorrow

The earth is opened to allow you in

my heart is heavy with sorrow

I no longer know where to begin

promises lost on the cusp of tomorrow.

The daisies and roses adorn your stone

The cloudless sky rains violent with tears

Bereft at your side, I stand to weep alone

I expected to be with you throughout the years.

The chill in my body, despite the warm day

feels alien in a world without you in it

As if shock and grief would wash away

any day, any hour, any minute.

As I weep at the open wound in the soil

I’m reminded of your loving embrace

No longer of this mortal coil

Extended beyond time and space

Grace and Mercy

Grant me grace that I may understand what is happening

to me, to my people, to my community, to the world.

Have mercy on me when I harm others

in anger, because I didn’t think it through, because I’m human.

Grant me grace to know when I have wronged someone

so that I may apologize, make reparations, ask forgiveness.

Grant them grace to know that I am human, bound to make mistakes.

Allow them opportunity and willingness to grant me mercy

so that love, like kintsugi, can heal the wound with value and beauty.

Grant me grace that I may continue to strive towards peace

Please grant me mercy when I love imperfectly or refuse given love

and the grace to admit I’m talented at doing both of those.