Tag Archives: humanity

Approaching Senior

older person holding an open book near a window

I am too old to be considered youthful

Yet, I’m a child, still wet-behind-the-ears

I’ve lived a life precariously truthful

But still, I’ve yet to see all of my years.

I have been as close to death as dust

But I still don’t know it by its common name

I have gifted dirges to those I’ve loved

A place in my heart they’ve claimed

If I’m blessed to live an entire century,

I hope that I won’t sit alone by the window

Waiting for those I love to learn too late they love me.

I’d languish for their amity, my companion, my shadow

There is a certain reverence to a life lived unfurled

The spiral tapestries of the lessons learned

Woven back upon itself briefly, beautifully curled

Love and joy have always been the life for which I’ve yearned

What Once Was

I know I didn’t fall from grace

But I am here,

Looking in the mirror

Staring at your face

Where once in unison our hearts beat

I couldn’t wait to share

My life stories laid bare

Somehow, now, I feel defeat

The connection that I had

With you has released

The distancing increased

It is neither good nor bad

It is what it was created to be

It’s darker now than ever it was

I cannot feel you in my blood

A monument of a you and I; “we”

Murder

I am repulsed by the weight of my skin

As if my every breath is a sin

Emotional trauma’s affection

Dissociative disconnection

Grappling a height I’ll never climb

For long ago, I was left behind

Every step I’ve made, I’ve done alone

Bitterness in my haunted bones

Illusions of love, of commitment, of joy

Are rotting with lies set to destroy

At times, I believe, I will rise above

That I will know peace of the mythical dove

But the curtain falls and the show is done

And I realize I have never won

I’ve stepped in line with my own path

Which cost me relationships in its wrath

But choices made were neither bad nor good

But all were made from a basic falsehood

That I was never good enough no matter how I tried

So, you see, I murdered her, so that I could live and thrive

Groundhog Day

The atmosphere is filled with fear

While the scythe swings deathly near

Labored breathing, barely there

Scars of battles warn: Beware!

The flies swarm round like vultures keening

Recycled life of profound meaning

The Otherwhere claims the tiny soul

Regret is mine for the life I stole

Soul Pool

Soul Pool

I have existed for eons before I was born

As a descendant of my womenfolk

Who have cradled me within their wombs

Nurturing my spirit they have always known

Just as I know them in my aging, dusty carcass

Animated by their tribal songs that lent me their breath

Extending their pneuma into my mortality

Anointing me with collective wisdom as my inheritance

Courage emblazoned like a scarlet letter;

ushered in with fiercest loyalty

Resilience bestowed as an endowment of hope

Strength of a champion intrinsically passed down

I am born again and again, basking in the immortality

Reveling in the joyful victories of lives well lived

Lamenting the horrors and pains that are birthed;

And rebirthed, and again

I am my mother’s eyes, my grandmother’s faith,

My great-grandmother’s charm,

my great-great-grandmother’s muscle memory

I am because of their willingness to grant me

This Soul Pool in which I float and swim

The Game

Life is playing a game without all the pieces

With each tick of privilege you chance increases

Starting out you may have an advantage

Because your parents may have somehow managed

to assemble the board, or the cards, or the tokens

Or maybe they’re too scarred, too scared, or too broken

Maybe you’re born with a mouthful of silver spoon

Or maybe you discovered your birthright roughhewn

Perhaps you’ve never known hunger or that some go unloved

Or it could be you’ve been neglected or boxed without gloves

Maybe your sweet sixteen was tender and kind

Or your mom’s gone to get high again, drunken, and blind

Maybe you’ve always known that college was the on the table

Or maybe you’re the living moral of Aesop’s fables

The game doesn’t end until your dying day

But while you’re alive, you’re required to play.

Assemble the pieces as best as you can

with the knowledge you glean from every human

Roll the dice whenever it’s possible

learn from your mistakes; your choices are not impossible

Have faith in your heart, remember oneself

This game ain’t for wimps, but it IS do-it-yourself

An Exception

We are taught all our lives that there are norms.

Ways to behave and how to perform

We’re punished if we color outside of the lines

cinching our spirits to fit the confines

removing authenticity, forcing conformity

but we’ve done a disservice in all its enormity

Take exception from those “laws”

Run around naked with all your flaws

Be who you are without any doubts

Experience the joy! Scream and shout!

You’re validly beautiful when you’re true to yourself

You weren’t made to be perfect, stored on a shelf.

You were meant to experience life at full throttle

To demonstrate to others, to be a role model

Life is too precious to indulge what society thinks

Be the exception to the world, not a lip-sync

TAMP: Abbie

Abbie is a dynamic human. I truly admire how she rolls with whatever comes her way.

She walks into a room in a hurricane of glittery animation

Energy pumping through her space

like air so rich it almost feels obscene

Pigpen from the Peanuts,

surrounded by dust,

has nothing on the confetti of joy

that explodes around her with distracted purpose

Sticky notes are posted everywhere

so she doesn’t forget, but

sometimes she does

When that happens,

she merely pauses before redirecting

her vision, her drive, her day

She is a tempest of radiant inspiration

enraptured in her creative personality

TAMP: Sharon “Shern” Crane

Me reprising the Christmas Kiss on Miss Shern’s cheek

A long, long time ago, I watched colored lights pass my studio window. Every night, they paraded across the parking lot of the apartment complex I lived in with my family. I decided I wanted to meet this alien.

A few evenings later, I had the great fortune to meet Miss Shern. (Her accent is very Tennessee which causes her to say my name like MAY-ore.) She and I got to talking about life, the universe, and everything becoming fast friends. She wore the battery operated Christmas lights so that people could see her as she walked her dog, Candy. Candy was a fat beagle who was well loved; sweet as could be.

As time passed, Miss Shern and I would commonly seek out each other’s company. She would come solve the problems of the world at my kitchen table with a good pot of coffee and sometimes some sweets.

A different friend of mine gifted me a feathery charm to hang over my doorway to keep evil spirits out.

After spending several hours with Miss Shern, she was heading out my door when the feather adornment caught her eye.

“What’s that for?” She asked.

“It’s to keep assholes out.” I replied without missing a beat.

“Does it work?” She prodded.

I looked her dead in the eye, “Apparently not.”

We laughed about that harder than we should have. We still tell that story.

She is the kind of person you could ask anything of, talk about anything with, and she has a clunky sort of grace that is truly sincere. She gives selflessly to various causes having served 30 years with the Red Cross (I think it’s more, but I’m pretty sure that’s the number), decades at The Holiday Bureau which supplements families with holiday decorations, gifts, and other such things. She raises money for gifting snacks and drinks for the Police, Fire, and EMS. She volunteers at warming centers in the winter time. She serves on the Oak Ridge Housing Authority Board.

She is quick to laugh. She explores the world with the wonder of a child and the wisdom of living. She’s an avid reader. She’s taken up caving and hiking. She goes to classes at The Oak Ridge Senior Center to expand her vast knowledge. She is impressive as a human.

I have a lot of favorite people, typically it’s for one reason or another, but she…she’s the whole enchilada. I adore her, her heart, her passions, her compassion, her emotional bumpy-bits, and her laugh. This world is a better place with her in it.