Tag Archives: death

Beauty of Grief

Where is the beauty found in grief

when the eyes swell up without relief

and spill in torrents over cheeks?

when snot runs thick filling tissue upon tissue

and sobs are wrought of unresolved issues?

Where is the beauty found in grief

where emotions steal time like a skillful thief

rejecting what is, without relief?

An alteration of time, of space

pilfered from the “what was” place?

Where is the beauty found in grief

a loving acknowledgement of the deceased

acceptance of the transition to their newborn peace

One breath forward in the journey of healing

At the altar of death knelt keening

The Last Birthday

For Alan England

We gathered in joy to celebrate

92 years of adventures

We ate carrot cake with cream cheese frosting

He ate a whole slice

Small forkfuls gifted

I gave him nourishment of body

Refreshment of spirit

Asked questions of his life

Heard stories of his rescue

From a cave from a read report

From a caving buddy

Decades of friendship revealed

Small and barely loud enough to hear

The man approaching his history, laughed at himself,

Surrounded by love and tenderness

Exuded by his blessed daughters,

Cherished by friends

A relaxed camaraderie blossomed

Filling the room, breaking through the windows into the wooded view

We celebrated his life joyfully

By showing up in loving attention.

Be With What Was

I cling to his hand while he clings to life

His view is the woodland with death his midwife

His eyes see something I cannot comprehend

Each finished stage whispers goodbye

Wordlessly he measures towards his inevitable end

While sorrow bows my head, trying not to cry

Time spent together fills my thoughts undaunted

“Be with what was.” My spirit tells me quietly

Flooding me with memories, what I knew of him is wanted

I reject the wisdom I am given, holding on to him defiantly

His breathing rustles his lungs so deeply, erratic in its spurts

He’s giving in completely, “Oh Adonai, this hurts!”

TAMP: Honorarium

From the forest comes the howl

Loam of earth’s dead rise

Ascending lift of sacred fowl

Imminent his demise

The snort of buck calls to a doe

A blue jay alarms the wood

Hastened river onward flows

The frigid dusk holds good.

A witness to the story

He is silent in the still

Accolades and glory

Abandoned from his will

His legacy is found abiding

In maple, in walnut, or oak

His spirit freely residing

Among his beloved folk.

From the forest comes the howl

Loam of nature’s rise

Ascending lift of sacred fowl

The undertaking of goodbyes.

The Heir

You were a human being

With a life as precious as my own

But, I’m alive and you are not

To me a path was shown

I’ve inherited your voices

I’m heir to your bright beacon

I will not turn away

My resolve will never weaken

I spend my inheritance freely

With loud pride from your source

I magnify it ideally

Your oppression no longer enforced

The lynching tree will bear no fruit

The crucifixion of branches

Will decay, not take root

It’s time to play with matches

The Visitor

I saw the shadow of death holding your hand at your bedside.

You couldn’t see me because you were seeing what it showed you.

Your breath came in sharp sudden bursts as if you were forgetting how

The blankets were white like your skin, clean

But contrary to the warmth they offered, you cooled

I greeted you by name, nodded to death, said a prayer of comfort.

The blue of your gown shrouded your emaciation

I stood next to you whispering words of loving comfort

As I took my leave, you prepared your own version.

Tomorrow, it’s likely I will see the rising sun.

Tomorrow, you will offer your hosanna to God in person

Departure

The vivid light of the dawning day

brought warmth, unexpected,

in an unusual way.

Relinquished labor past

silence in the brightness

among the spirits now cast

Peace found in the holy hour

grief intensifies exponentially

revealing its raw power

The request has been distilled

Absent heartbeat in the once vital body

The dash has now been fulfilled

EOL Doula

With trepidation I wait

Better too soon

than way too late

Asking answers of unskilled sight

Maybe so

Maybe tonight

Indecision holds me fast

Supportive heart

as he breathes his last

But will my service be enough

to smooth the edges

of the emotional rough?

Will I be able to be a guide

through the darkness

with my brilliant light?

Will it be enough to attend

the final hour

the welcomed end?

Unwound

I’ve been staring out the window

Waiting for the sound of your ride

But the clock kept on ticking

Wasting the hours

As I could do nothing but cry

You never came home again

Never said hello again

Never heard the sound of my pain

All of the broken bits

Scattered like shards

As I kept on screaming your name

The last words you said to me

Echoed inside my brain

“I’ll always love you.” You said.

I’m wrapped in these blankets now

Cold in this unholy shroud

Facing the three AM dread

Everyone whispers

Offers their sympathies

Telling me I will get through

But I can not listen to all of their symphonies

While I keep Pretending they’re you

The Wound of Sorrow

The earth is opened to allow you in

my heart is heavy with sorrow

I no longer know where to begin

promises lost on the cusp of tomorrow.

The daisies and roses adorn your stone

The cloudless sky rains violent with tears

Bereft at your side, I stand to weep alone

I expected to be with you throughout the years.

The chill in my body, despite the warm day

feels alien in a world without you in it

As if shock and grief would wash away

any day, any hour, any minute.

As I weep at the open wound in the soil

I’m reminded of your loving embrace

No longer of this mortal coil

Extended beyond time and space