Category Archives: Relationships

Daily Rituals

Kawphy Time and Morning Prayers

Each day I make a fresh cup of Kawphy (familial spelling handed down from my Grandfather (Bapa) on my mother’s side). I have one of my friends over, or I call my Bestie, or I call my mother before the first sip is tasted.

When my partner has their cup at the ready, I recite this prayer:

To your ancestors
To my ancestors
From my spirit
to your spirit
to OUR spirit
Thank you Grand Rapids Fire Department
Bless this holy water.

Context: My Great-Grandfather and my Grandfather both worked for the GRFD. It is common family belief that the next part of the ritual originated at their place of service.

Then we both take a noisy first sip and in unison say:

Ahhh, Nectar of the Gods!

The morning ritual is complete. I did this every day with my mother, but she doesn’t always remember. My Bestie has taken up the ritual as a way for us to start our day together.

Gratitudes

At the end of the day Jen, the aforementioned Bestie, would sit with her son and they would do “Gratitudes.” It’s a truly sweet ritual. One evening she was lamenting that her son had already gone to bed and asked if I’d do them with her.

Absolutely! We take turns sharing thing we’re grateful for either in our lives or during the day we’ve just had. I asked if we could do three external (meaning things that happened or we did) and one internal (positive things about who we are). She agreed.

Today, for example, I am grateful for my gift of wordsmithing, of being able to meet people where they are, for my friends, and for my parents still being available.

Once we’ve both stated the things, we complete the ritual with:

We are grateful for these things and so many more.

I wanted to share them with you because they’re important parts of my day. Which daily rituals do you honor? What helps you live the life you’re building with gratitude?

Campfire confessions

Grounding one’s heart
on the hearth of a campfire
recommitting branched souls to dust
smoldering with barely seen confessions
blazing with a lust to remain relevant
extinguished by time
returned to the mother

Widow’s Peak

She desires to be a widow

so bad that she can taste it

The casseroles and condolences

With open arms embraced it

She wears no widow’s weed

Nor tithed the widow’s Mite

With crocodile tears in her eyes

Their mourning her spotlight

When the flowers have all wilted

And the calls have all but eased

Will she then be grateful

That it was he deceased?

Note: This isn’t written about anyone in particular. It’s a what if.

Delusional

The devil came to my door

He rang the bell and cried

He lied that I was once adored

His chest puffed out with pride

His deception blackly oozed because

There is blood upon his hands

By his nature he’s embodied faux pas

In his hollowed-out grandstand

Convinced there is an audience

Still, he bows his head to pray

“No.” is nothing obvious

I refuse him the time of day

He invades my home with anger

Grief that should have long been spent

His recklessness is dangerous

But he simply won’t relent

His wounds are dark and oozing

His heart is arctic cold

He reminds me that he thinks of me

At least that’s what I’m told

His prayers remain unanswered

He leans on crutch and wit

His aura is all cancered

No blame will he remit

Lost Religion

There is a Spirit in the soil

The place where life begins

and to where it again returns

You have to run up to the very edge

of your very own grave

to understand how deeply

your Spirit’s truth can go

How connected we all are

as transient souls;

seperate but one

The Spirit calls out to us every moment

rarely is it heard as the truth

Destructive forces we are against it

We are poor stewards of our gift

our home, our residence, our church

Meeting of the Wounds

Yesterday was a wild ride. I took my friend to the orthopedic doctor to get an appraisal done on her freshly broken ankle. During the course of our conversation she said something that struck me deeply.

“When you’re meeting someone, you’re meeting their wounds.”

Dude. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

She went on to say, “People who have had trauma, bring that forward with them in various manifestations. People who are givers typically didn’t have enough and they don’t want others to feel that way so they tend to overgive.” (not exact quote but that’s what she said in essence)

People who were neglected may be overly attentive. People who were abused may be overly protective. People who were torn down regularly may be a powerful motivator to uplift others. People who got lost may find their way to their own path and lead others on theirs.

I had never considered the wounds of others. My focus has been on meeting people as they are right now. Sometimes the encounters are pleasant, others not so much. If it’s not ideal, I tend to grant personal grace because I don’t know why they would do or act in such a manner.

Understanding that I’m meeting all of their wounds and successes really honed in on my understanding of others. But, moreso, it forced me to realize how my wounds interact with the world.

I’ve worked incredibly hard to become the person that I want to be for my own satisfaction. I’ve taken what’s happened to me throughout my many chapters, discarded what didn’t work for my vision of myself and embraced my joy. I’ve struggled to understand where my life choices have brought me. I’ve battled with the traumas that changed my life directions.

And still, when I see other people out in the wild, I did not recognize, cognitively, their wounds are just as exposed as mine are. I didn’t look past the present to understand that their past is as valid to them as mine is to me. That sounds juvenile and a bit Pollyanna, but I WANT to understand. I want to help where I can because my feelings of helplessness, abandonment, degradation, and abuse profoundly changed me.

Some may say that those things were horrors, to which I’d have to agree. But, they were also a catalyst that’s propelled me forward into a level of self discovery, self appreciation, and self love that I don’t know I’d recognize without the impact of of those events in my life.

An online friend of mine has been writing about their own self-discovery. They are picking away scabs, examining the wounds, and putting healing energy where it’s needed in their soul. As I see it, that’s the bravest thing a person can do. The courage that it takes to bite into your own skeleton filled closet, examine the contents of your guts, digest the lessons that have been sorely learned is an incredible journey and not without adventure.

“You’re meeting people’s wounds” not just the current version of them, but all of their life and experiences. I’ll love them anyway because that’s who I am because of and despite my own wounds.

Apology

I’m asking for an apology

one I know I’ll never get

for every time you hurt me

for each of these regrets.

For every neglectful incident

for refusal to pull emotional weight

for your bitter anger towards me

for which I took the bait

For the disturbing blackmail

that you forced on me to pay

with the difference between want and need

being thrown up in my face

Intimate Brain

Repeatedly she kissed my hand

hugged my arm close to her body

She apologized not with “I’m sorry,”

but repeatedly with “I love you.”

Her eyes met mine briefly

with the woman she once was

vanished in a blink which, again,

began her litany of obsession.

What I witnessed, what I felt, what I learned,

wasn’t enough to ease her anxiety

her frustration and anger

even if she doesn’t quite understand why.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“I love you too, dear one.”

I truly do. I fell in love with my new friend

Brain intimate with momentary lucidity

She smiled sunshine towards me despite her clouds

I promised to carry her love with me

Because I LOVE You

Transformation

Because I LOVE you

The revolution begins

Not with violence

But in the most sacred part of a living being

A shift in belief

A consideration of possibilities

A seed planted in the right conditions

An adventure and adaptation

A surrender to truth

A conspiracy of hope.

Equity

Because I LOVE you

When the “them” become we

When there is celebration in diversity

When homogenization is frowned upon

When being different is cherished

When others become us

When we walk ten miles beside them

When we seek to share our spirits

Without fear, without repercussions

When balance is restored to all living beings

Plurality

Because I LOVE you

You can bow your head

Covered or uncovered

You can walk holy halls

With shoes or without

You can pray all day

Or not at all

You can profess your faith

Or you can remain silent

You can go to church

Or you can stay at home

Justice

Because I LOVE you

I will protect you to the best of my ability

I will see you as the human you are

I will not convert you or force feed you

I will be quiet, so your voice is heard

I will walk beside you and stand behind you

I will support your righteous cause

I will encourage your truth

I will honor the authority over your personal autonomy

Generosity

Because I LOVE you

When you are overwhelmed and crying

I will bring comfort and compassion

When you are hungry

I will feed your spirit and your belly

When you are sick or weak

I will spoon feed you broth or lend you my strength

When your heart is heavy with grief

I will give you a haven to wade into the depths

When you are in need of a hand up

I will give what I can, when I can, as often as I can

Interdependence

Because I LOVE you

You are me.

I am you.

No matter which faces you see when you pray

No matter how you show up

No matter what, you are my kin

My blood is filled with your laughter and tears

You may not understand,

But know that I hold no judgment on your heart

I don’t know your hardships or happiness

But I know that you are LOVEd exactly as you are

Despite of and because of everything that makes you, YOU.

I am a Unitarian Universalist

“Because I LOVE you and I obey the Law of LOVE.”

Inspired by Only Fragments

#2715

“it’s because he’s the sun, the source of all light in the universe, and you’re just the moon with no light of your own.“

I have been the sun shining so brightly that you lit up as well. But I was greedy, self-involved, callous to your pleas for your own two feet. I couldn’t hear your voice because mine was too loud and I loved the sound of it more than I did yours. I couldn’t hear your suffering because I believed I was the only one who had a right to be the victim. I forced you to be a martyr for my cause, not yours. I stripped you naked of everything I didn’t like about myself, absorbed your “good parts” as if they were my own. I tipped the balance of justice so that I appeared the one who was rightly outraged. I was repulsed by your actions because they were exactly what I would do if I weren’t so vain to believe I was superior to you. I held your confidence because that was in our agreement. You held mine because that’s who you wanted to be, or rather who “I” wanted you to be. For all of that, I hope you can forgive my recklessness, my rejection, my lack of confidence in who you were born to be. I beg for your grace and mercy that I refused to offer you, or myself, while I preyed on my own foibles as a pathetic excuse for a relationship with you.