Category Archives: Love

A Pilgrimage

Death offers the warm embrace of peace
A loving homage to the newly deceased
Life used to stay busy; feel overly productive
The spiral of drowsing is overwhelmingly seductive
No more errands or things to do
No more arguments of personal truth
With warmest lust on the coldest skin
An allegiance unfurls with the shifting winds
What was once taken for granted truly is sated
The breath comes no more from the body related
And yet as a witness to the dearly departed
A journey, a pilgrimage, a trail never charted
Speculation like specters gather for court
Dressed in saint’s clothing, suspended transport
the breathing world is holding hands with Death
leaving lamentations from the loved ones bereft

Daily Rituals

Kawphy Time and Morning Prayers

Each day I make a fresh cup of Kawphy (familial spelling handed down from my Grandfather (Bapa) on my mother’s side). I have one of my friends over, or I call my Bestie, or I call my mother before the first sip is tasted.

When my partner has their cup at the ready, I recite this prayer:

To your ancestors
To my ancestors
From my spirit
to your spirit
to OUR spirit
Thank you Grand Rapids Fire Department
Bless this holy water.

Context: My Great-Grandfather and my Grandfather both worked for the GRFD. It is common family belief that the next part of the ritual originated at their place of service.

Then we both take a noisy first sip and in unison say:

Ahhh, Nectar of the Gods!

The morning ritual is complete. I did this every day with my mother, but she doesn’t always remember. My Bestie has taken up the ritual as a way for us to start our day together.

Gratitudes

At the end of the day Jen, the aforementioned Bestie, would sit with her son and they would do “Gratitudes.” It’s a truly sweet ritual. One evening she was lamenting that her son had already gone to bed and asked if I’d do them with her.

Absolutely! We take turns sharing thing we’re grateful for either in our lives or during the day we’ve just had. I asked if we could do three external (meaning things that happened or we did) and one internal (positive things about who we are). She agreed.

Today, for example, I am grateful for my gift of wordsmithing, of being able to meet people where they are, for my friends, and for my parents still being available.

Once we’ve both stated the things, we complete the ritual with:

We are grateful for these things and so many more.

I wanted to share them with you because they’re important parts of my day. Which daily rituals do you honor? What helps you live the life you’re building with gratitude?

Campfire confessions

Grounding one’s heart
on the hearth of a campfire
recommitting branched souls to dust
smoldering with barely seen confessions
blazing with a lust to remain relevant
extinguished by time
returned to the mother

Revolution

The winds of change do not blow lightly
They are destructive, devastating, overwhelming
But they are necessary to create stronger; better
My feet are rooted in the mountain
My eyes are drinking in the sky
My arms are outstretched to embrace the shift
My thighs are heated for battle
My belly hungry for the crusade
My chest is bare, unafraid and unaffected
As I breathe in the promise of new dawn
I exhale revolution of heart and mind
Calling my sisters and brothers
As thunderous as a siren’s song

Into this life.

Into this body.

Into this time.

My nature

It is in my nature to return to nature
Nurturing my spiritual gifts
Reveling in loam and water
Allowing my soul to tendril
Deep into the rocky soil
Pulling the wisdom into my hands
Pushing out that which no longer serves
Light and dark are the same
Intuition singing a celestial choir
Feeling in my bones the pulsation
The undulation of the Universe
Welcoming the power that is mine
Acknowledging the sacrifices made
On my behalf before I was born
Into this life.
Into this body.
Into this time.

Behind the Blinders

To the face I did not know
The one whose name is clandestine
Spoken whispers, just below hearing
Your breath did not share my space
I never knew your laughter
Nor could I recognize your voice
Your eyes and mine have never met
But I grieve the loss of you.
The you were human, like me.
The you who had happiness and sorrow
The you who was quiet or loud
The you who was every bit as breathing as I am
The you who was every bit as worthy of love
The you who was every bit as alive
You were invaluable to the fabric of the Universe
I stand as witness that you existed
I attest to your right to dignity as a human being
May love now surround you with grace and mercy.

Love Showed Up

When I have been in darkest pain
Feeling I could not hope again
Love showed up.
When I felt lost and overwhelmed
Riding grief on a boat unhelmed
Love showed up.
When I’d thought my demon’s vanquished
But they roared to life, causing anguish
Love showed up.
It didn’t try to change my pain
But gently whispered, “Try again.”
Love showed up.
It didn’t try to change my trouble
It helped me to clean up the rubble
Love showed up.
It helped me navigate which way to travel
Clothing myself in threads unraveled
Love showed up.
Its compass pointed to my true north
Showing me how to sally forth
Love showed up.
It walked beside me on meandering paths
Teaching forgiveness for my past
Love showed up.

Chickadee

On my front deck, I’ve allowed spiders to live as they will. There are several webs that are cluttered with carcasses of bugs. The hunters don’t hunt me, I feel good about being a steward to their dinners, and I can sit outside undisturbed by flying insects. Everyone wins.

While enjoying my morning prayers and ritual of Kawphy drinking, I heard a thump and saw a flutter at my front window. My curiousity piqued, I stepped to the window to see what happened, as did my cat.

Caught in one of the webs was the tiniest of chickadees, suspended in peril. I stepped out onto my porch to see if it were actually stuck. It’s beak was open and it appeared to be having difficulties breathing. I pulled the wicker chair away from the wall. To my horror, the little avian fell to the porch, wings outspread.

I gently picked it up from the porch allowing it to rest on my fingers. I slowly and carefully pulled away the web that was holding its wings. I noticed there was some web on it’s beak, so ever so gently, I pulled that away as well.

There I stood on my porch, holding this precious little creature. I cooed to it, told it how beautiful it was, and explained that it was free to go when it was ready. Together we waited.

Its head turning, tilting, and observing with its curiousity as sure as mine. It pooped on my hand, but I didn’t move. I was busy cherishing this rare occurence, reveling in the beauty of the intimacy I was sharing. I felt excitement, reverence, and in tune with the natural world.

This suspended time lasted for about five minutes before the bird took liberation from its ordeal. I watched it take off with an elation that I can only equate to winning a prize. In a way, I suppose I did.

Meeting of the Wounds

Yesterday was a wild ride. I took my friend to the orthopedic doctor to get an appraisal done on her freshly broken ankle. During the course of our conversation she said something that struck me deeply.

“When you’re meeting someone, you’re meeting their wounds.”

Dude. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

She went on to say, “People who have had trauma, bring that forward with them in various manifestations. People who are givers typically didn’t have enough and they don’t want others to feel that way so they tend to overgive.” (not exact quote but that’s what she said in essence)

People who were neglected may be overly attentive. People who were abused may be overly protective. People who were torn down regularly may be a powerful motivator to uplift others. People who got lost may find their way to their own path and lead others on theirs.

I had never considered the wounds of others. My focus has been on meeting people as they are right now. Sometimes the encounters are pleasant, others not so much. If it’s not ideal, I tend to grant personal grace because I don’t know why they would do or act in such a manner.

Understanding that I’m meeting all of their wounds and successes really honed in on my understanding of others. But, moreso, it forced me to realize how my wounds interact with the world.

I’ve worked incredibly hard to become the person that I want to be for my own satisfaction. I’ve taken what’s happened to me throughout my many chapters, discarded what didn’t work for my vision of myself and embraced my joy. I’ve struggled to understand where my life choices have brought me. I’ve battled with the traumas that changed my life directions.

And still, when I see other people out in the wild, I did not recognize, cognitively, their wounds are just as exposed as mine are. I didn’t look past the present to understand that their past is as valid to them as mine is to me. That sounds juvenile and a bit Pollyanna, but I WANT to understand. I want to help where I can because my feelings of helplessness, abandonment, degradation, and abuse profoundly changed me.

Some may say that those things were horrors, to which I’d have to agree. But, they were also a catalyst that’s propelled me forward into a level of self discovery, self appreciation, and self love that I don’t know I’d recognize without the impact of of those events in my life.

An online friend of mine has been writing about their own self-discovery. They are picking away scabs, examining the wounds, and putting healing energy where it’s needed in their soul. As I see it, that’s the bravest thing a person can do. The courage that it takes to bite into your own skeleton filled closet, examine the contents of your guts, digest the lessons that have been sorely learned is an incredible journey and not without adventure.

“You’re meeting people’s wounds” not just the current version of them, but all of their life and experiences. I’ll love them anyway because that’s who I am because of and despite my own wounds.