Tag Archives: silence

Day Nineteen, A bird and a Rogue

I’ve had quite an interesting day.

This morning, I was sitting in the bathroom. The window to the apartment was open because it gets quite warm up in here. I was doing my thing when I heard a mild racket at the window. I poked my head out the door and there was a pigeon sitting on the windowsill. She was very interested in checking out the place. I greeted her verbally. I finished my task, flushed, and stepped into the main room without approaching her. We stared at each other for a bit. She got a mind to fly away. It was a surprising and pleasant interaction.

Complaint: The Twisto app that I use to find the nearest bus stop doesn’t update in real time so you have to walk about a half block, tap the screen just to find out you’re not going the right direction. I demand perfection! That’s a lie, but it sure would be nice.

I got to my bus stop barely on time. I mean, I found it, looked up, and there was the bus. Given that I went the wrong way and had to jury rig my directions to make it, I felt pretty proud of myself.

Upon arrival to the last stop on the line, I waited for a few minutes while my client’s wife (An absolute gem of a human) was en route to pick me up. It was 84 degrees outside which is pretty warm. Tomorrow, it’s supposed to be about 66 degrees F. I love cooler weather.

I spent the next couple of hours with my client. One of the activities we do it bounce a ball back and forth 130 times. When I first started working for this family 3 years ago, I absolutely dreaded it because he would insist on counting in French. Bless his beautiful heart that he did. I look forward to it because, unlike in the beginning, I can lead the count all the way past 100! I’m very pleased he insisted even though I wasn’t happy in the beginning.

His wife arrived from the grocery trip she went on and she insisted she drop me at the bus stop. I agreed. As we approached the stop, the bus was pulling away. I said it was okay because I can catch the next one. “Nonsense.” She revved up the engine, passed the bus, and dropped me at the next stop. She went rogue on me! I didn’t expect it from her, but man, that woman can drive!

I got off at the Caen Theatre Quai. I searched for a restaurant nearby. I found a couple of burger joints, but honestly, I haven’t had one since I got here. I just don’t want to eat American food when I’m in freaking France! Instead, I found a Vietnamese place.

Boeuf Loc Lac, a creamy cheesecake, a Vietnamese coffee, and a Coke Zero. That’s a softboiled egg (which I asked to not be included) and a crapload of cilantro which tastes like soap to me. I did some picky eating with this dish.
The menu as clear as I could get it.

I made it back up the five flights of stairs. Since my client is going to have company starting on Wednesday, I won’t be needed for the rest of the week. What to do, what to do…

HA! The Rome2Rio app has a rideshare option. All I have to do is show up at the scheduled time, ride along in the car, and end up at my destination. I’m going to Honfleur, France to paint in a studio on Thursday. I’m so freaking jazzed!

Although I’ve been reading for fun since I got here (think trashy novels and good sci-fi), I wanted to try something I truly love. I don’t think anything makes me happier than when I have paint on my hands. I’ll let you know how it goes and if I’ll be able to find a ride home (not yet, but I’m hopeful).

Remember when I did the professional photo shoot in Paris? They were supposed to send me the proofs in 7-10 business days so I could select 5 of them. Well, that didn’t happen. What DID happen was that she felt so bad that she dropped the ball, she gave them all to me! All 37! To say I was pleased would be an understatement. I would totally recommend Best Pictures in Paris to any tourist. So, where’s the proofs? I’m going to share a few of my favorites with you.

French ducks sleeping!
This wall was SO TALL! I am not. I was on my very, very, very tippy-toes to get this shot. You can’t see the comma, but it says: LOVE, ME

Those are my favorites. I like them because I look like me, not someone posed. I’m so glad I had this experience. I mean, there’s only so many selfies one can take before…bah.

I’m going back to my client’s house tomorrow to exercise with him.

OH! Before I forget. After the calamity of the early morning banging on my door, I’m scared to make any noise at all. I’m living like a monk that’s taken a vow of silence. It’s not as bad as it sounds…ha! See what I did there? Listening isn’t one of my strengths because I love to speak in what I call “layer cakes.” I like for the conversations to be a mix of ideas thrown together, sometimes with frosting, sometimes without. But, this is a practice I’m uneasy with which means I should probably do it and be grateful for the opportunity. Besides, I can speak with my client’s family.

Peace go with you wherever you are. You are loved!

Left-hand turn

The loneliness isn’t in the silence, it’s in the absence of commentary.

My “Silent but Deadly” litany chants in my head

“Don’t open your throat, let the demons be fed”

I want to reach out. I want to be heard. But…

Reality isn’t where I want to be disturbed

My brushes lay colorless, lifeless as corpses

My observances from the corner, bodily divorces

I’m running like hell hounds know my name

The bridges start smoldering in fingers of blame

and they all return to me. Their rejection is plain to see

If I’m not them, I’m never good enough as me.

TRIGGER WARNING! Break the Silence, STOP! The violence!

TRIGGER WARNING: I’m going to post this without using names because I don’t want to be disrespectful but needs to be addressed.

A while ago, I saw this video and it disturbed me. It was encouraging to some extent but the second part really made me wonder what would I do if I were in the same shoes witnessing this happening in front of me. Here is the video. Again, POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING:

I truly hoped that I’d be brave enough to stand up for anyone no matter who it is/was should they forget they have a right to feel safe, to not be humiliated, degraded, or otherwise emotionally abused. I witnessed an attractive young man be told by his girlfriend that he’s a fatty, that if she found someone with more money she’d leave him, but worse, in my eyes (as if those aren’t bad enough) she told him in front of other co-workers that he has dick sucking lips and should go find someone to blow. I said nothing at that time. It really truly bothered me, but I remained silent. Until today.

After witnessing another bout of her abuse, this time not only of this young man but of myself and another person, I went and spoke out against the consistent pattern of abuse found in her behavior. She holds a position of authority so I didn’t feel comfortable confronting her directly but asked guidance from a trusted superior who advised me to report it which I did. As I described what I’d heard and witnessed and the accommodations I’d made to avoid the confrontation I would not be able to restrain much longer, I was scared shitless. Not whether or not I was doing the right thing, but because the last time I reported someone in authority at a former job I held, I was fired.

My point in explaining all of this is because I feel like I shouldn’t have waited to say something. I should have reported it sooner. I should have, but I remained silent. I do not regret speaking out. I only regret that I allowed someone to suffer because I didn’t want to rock the boat. It’s rockin’ now, and I won’t back down not now, not ever again. He doesn’t deserve any less protection because he forgot he had a voice. NOBODY deserves abuse. Absolutely NOBODY!

P.S. This wouldn’t be so short, but I’ve yet to completely process this. I reserve the right to come back to this and revisit it once the processing has completed. (Keep in mind my brain is the 1968 model and may take longer than others.) 🙂