The trees do not whisper my name in the voice of a billion stars.
The sun shadows my upturned face denying my gate
My cries of desperation, clinging to the echoing melody fall away
Dripping in autumnal colors, released from the iced earth;
A presence not present, to my dismay, but somewhere waiting to be unpacked
Unearthed from the cardboard grave where its been held hostage
By my unreasonable, childish demands, that I should not change.
The place my spirit abides is dark to me because I’ve become unplugged
I’m looking. I’m searching. I must find my outlet so my spirit can remember
So I can remember the laughter of water, the chatter of dust, my place in the Universe.
Tag Archives: faith
Do not be afraid
As you are an ocean of tears, so are you a world of forgiveness. A haven of justice filtered through human imperfections that allows opportunity for love with each challenge to your comfort.
You possess free will enough to elect whether you embrace change or if you allow fear to petrify your heart into jaded segments. How can you gaze upon a child’s pain with no desire to make the world innocent for them; for yourself?
It is inevitable that your faithful trust in your brethren will be accosted with confusion or anger towards your generosity. But, the price you pay now, will be small compared to the cost of refusal should you deny your righteous compass.
Turn to your true north, even being different than your friends, to find what makes your spirit, your very essence scream with the ecstasy of rapturous delight. Give permission to yourself to be extraordinarily outstanding in a world that only allows what is nurtured to bloom and grow.
If you find yourself in the forest of darkness with bruised, bloodied, or damaged limbs falling from your own family tree, notice where they’re planted. See how shallow or how deeply those roots linger in the earth by releasing your primal self to its care.
Drink from the knowledge of the river bend that granted your ancestors life to flood your own flesh. Sing in the voice of your grandmother, your grandfather, and those back to the beginning of time’s pacing.
Decree your path without word because what you say can be erased, what you do is how you progress through your life unhindered; calling like-minded to your shores. The shores of the ocean of tears that surrounds your world of forgiveness are yours for the sake of personal redemption.
Pass it onward!
Opinion: Rev. Morrill addresses ‘Black Lives Matter’
This past July, a church committee requested a new message on the electronic sign, which faces the Oak Ridge Turnpike. The message they requested was “Black Lives Matter.” The board of the Oak Ridge Unitarian Universalist Church, or ORUUC, voted to approve it, and the message was added to the sign’s series of scrolling messages.
Source: Opinion: Rev. Morrill addresses ‘Black Lives Matter’
Pass it onward!
Through the gate
A bunny in a garden
The military straight fence posts stand sentinel against wildlife.
It amuses me when the rabbits squeak through to indulge in
the abundance of ripened fruit dripping from the vines
Ripe tomato juices blooding the hand-crafted stairs with their offerings
while the green beans are green together, envious of size
The wind sculpture shifts in time to the darkened rolling clouds
it startles the rabbits back through the gate to another buffet
I wonder if this is what beauty looks like when it is no longer imaginary.
I wonder why the voice I spoke to every day feels absent.
I wonder if I remembered to pack it or if someone else did it for me.
I wonder if it will return with barrels blazing with razzle-dazzle or
if it will slip in quietly through the gate to show me a different way to be.
Pass it onward!
My friend!
My friends, not my art
I didn’t believe you because I was sure you were a lie.
Nobody ever gave without expecting something of me.
But there you were with shirt sleeves pulled up to your elbows
Stepping into my dance of horrors with a graceful heart
You expertly guided my feet as I stumbled along behind
While I asked guidance, you answered me with elbows deep in the mire.
You didn’t hesitate. You didn’t stop. You gave without askance.
After the dervish had danced, I drove you home in the night
You didn’t turn into a pumpkin. You hugged me, told me you loved me,
vanished into your home with a step lighter than air.
Again you approached our friendship but I was skittish with fear.
How many times have I placed my faith in trust only for it to disappear?
There you were with jovial laughter, warmest hugs from open arms.
“This can’t be right. This doesn’t make sense.” I argue with myself.
You tell me what you like about me, what I do, who I am.
Nobody has done that without wanting something in return.
(Rarely so).
I test a limit. You laugh. I push a button. You show me the right way.
You get pissed but you work through it like I do, using words and humor.
I feel like I’ve been shown a rare jewel in a crown that belongs to the masses.
I feel as if I may be able to trust this friendship, but I won’t lie
It scares me to allow people near to me because they always leave.
But maybe I can give enough to our friendship where I won’t want to
because of what you’ve already promised with your actions
because of what you’ve already given from your heart.
Pass it onward!
The Suitcase
“You just don’t waltz into and out of people’s lives.” I found this quote in a podcast/article by a man I respect very deeply. The entire script and podcast is found HERE.
A happy suitcase wearing a hat
I’ve moved all over the country. Up until I got to Oak Ridge, I’d never in my entire adult life lived in the same house for more than two years. Considering I’ll be 47, that’s not a good track record for stability or longevity but it’s also taught me a lot about change, leaving, and transitions.
Most of the time when I’ve become disgruntled, disheartened, or feeling a loss of hope are the precise times I’d pack up the bags either metaphorically or physically and set them by the door. It was not uncommon for me to check those bags periodically to see that they match my state of mind given whatever the situation I faced.
If I ended up in a relationship that I knew may end, I’d pack the bag and set it down because I knew it would fail. I knew that I couldn’t give my whole heart to anyone who wasn’t willing to love me back the way I needed. It might have been because they were violent or they were absent from the beginning, or even that they were afraid like me to give in to the commitment all the while longing for that connection. No matter the reason, there was always a pile of luggage (not baggage because that has to be lugged around), ready by the front door.
The point for me when I knew it was time to leave was the point when my heart was irreparably broken. It would happen when I knew and understood that no matter what was done or said from that moment forward “WE” could never fill that trust back up again. I’d lost hope, trust, and an ability to want to rebuild it at that point.
I try to be mindful of relationships. I struggle to maintain some that aren’t good for me. Some demand that no matter what is happening in my life that their life is far more important. It has never been about anyone else, but for them to be at that point is an astonishing progression from “I don’t matter at all”, so I try to be mindful of that. It becomes unhealthy.
I’ve tried to remain friends with people who can’t see any light, no matter how bright. They are so asleep in so many ways that the only time I’ve allowed them to re-enter my periphery is when they really are trying to make changes for the better in their lives. When they are actively seeking answers that I’d given them before, but either they weren’t ready to hear, or they needed to find without my guidance. I’m not claiming to be a guru or an expert, but I’ve messed up enough to know certain things in life.
I’ve tried to be the best I can be no matter who I’m around, but sometimes my best isn’t what someone else needs. Sometimes they need a broken person with horrible feelings of self esteem to coddle, take care of, feel needed by to make up their own value as a person. When they reject every good given, that’s when the dependent person feels lost, vulnerable, and without taking time can fall into a vicious cycle of begging to be taken back.
With each one of those, I’ve waltzed out at will and sometimes against my will, but they’ve all ended in one way or another. My packed suitcases were at the ready so the transition was easier but no less painful. I don’t like that I’ve had to, for whatever reason, walk away from various lives in my lifetime, but self-preservation has been worth it.
What I didn’t expect, after reading the article, was a glance to my door and a note that there weren’t any suitcases packed there waiting. Not a duffel bag or a backpack, not even a fanny pack laid up waiting for my itchy gypsy toes to want to hit the road. BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! And why do I feel a sudden jolt of panic?
I’m in a marriage where there is a level of reciprocity that I’ve never had despite fumbling intentions before that had all failed. I’m in a neighborhood that is distasteful, but where I find myself waving at people I like and know. People that I tell my stories to and they tell me theirs. I discovered a diamond and platinum spiritual home that has given me a stability of family that I’d been missing for eons but found on accident thanks to John Lennon and John Denver. I have friends interwoven in generational blankets of uplifting proportions that bring me to a place of stellar humbleness, gratitude, and the best teachers of compassion I’ve ever known besides my Bapa’s family.
I think it’s safe to say that sometimes that waltz from one life to the next is necessary to move into the house that will become your home. The home where suitcases are no longer necessary because it’s truly where your heart is born, grows, and can be found at any time.
Pass it onward!
Imagination gone dark
Those who want the world to stop burning must first realize that it’s on fire.
Quit selling me your Jesus. Who is thick with thorns?
Don’t bleed your justification while the poor you scorn
Don’t tell me that my color is wrong, that a prison is a matter of fact
When you took away our baseball gloves and gave us baseball bats
Don’t tell me that I need to work, that I’m just a lazy bum
When you sent my job to the Philippines while calling me black scum
Don’t tell me to step up and be a father, when you took mine when I was seven
My mama couldn’t take care of me, she wept “He is watching me from heaven.”
But she believed in the Jesus you sold her that burns like a cross in my yard
She counted prayers and sang the hymns while my brothers lives are scarred
Quit telling me that I love my forty that dims the daily grind
Quit telling me I’m worthless so why should you educate my mind?
Don’t tell me that you value me just to get my vote you take away
You love me about as much as a crack baby born every day
You took away the healthcare to let my people suffer
While praising God and Jesus, filling up your coffers
You spend our money on bars and chains instead of buying books
You take away from teachers and schools, entertaining disdaining looks
Quit selling me your Jesus who is thick covered with your angry words thrown
While wearing the cross you put on your own back, you’re reaping what you’ve sewn.
Pass it onward!
NaPoWriMo: This Poem Is a Fighter
SIDENOTE: It is my practice not to dwell too much on negativity. I get pissed off. I sometimes struggle to understand the actions of others, particularly when they’re harmful, but I fight myself to understand so that I can spend my time in peace. It’s not been easy for me. In fact, the only poem I skipped was the cycle of negativity in this whole series because it denied me comfort. This is a mock up conversation between a parental set and a child of faith.
Mother, Father, Child
“I watch my brothers and my sisters run
I see my brothers and my sisters sleep
But I fear for them, my father and mother
That we may have fallen in too deep.”
“You worry, my child, while there is no need
There is enough, but there’s too much greed
Turn the hearts of those who steal
So that everyone can enjoy the meals”
“But, my father and my mother, I say
That I watch this happen every day
Where a child goes without, an adult has too much
I’m afraid we’re all lost, that we’re too out of touch”
“My beautiful child, with eyes looking up
Remember, my dear one, to keep filling the cup
For the cup of love is always overflowing
For those who keep giving will cherish this knowing”
“My mother and father, dearest of my heart
I hate when I must face the world while we are apart
I feel despair and anguish from nearly everyone I see
It hurts my heart to know, that they don’t know you like me.”
“My beloved child, my precious one, you do not understand
We are always here to love you, each woman, creature, and man.
If they seek us, we will hold them, cherish them each day
Your fears, my tiny child, are not for you to say.”
“Blessed mother, loving Father, I am grateful for attune
I’m thankful for the many things you’ve given me, my boon
I will obey as you command and pray I meet your call
For you’re the ones I honor, in this time and for all.”
magalyguerrero.com/napowrimo-with-magaly-guerrero-2015
NaPoWriMo
Pass it onward!
The Bohemian Forest Avenue
Bohemian Forest Avenue is located in Las Vegas, NV. Google Maps made the image.
Pass it onward!
Be Still
Be still.
Think of it.
Remember them.
Allow the trees to educate you in the language they speak.
Be still.
Listen to silence.
Cherish truth.
Allow the ideas to drift like the white wisdom of dandelions on a breeze.
Be still.
A blank slate.
An empty canvas
Allow your ideas to bleed onto every surface with cleansing clarity.
Be still.
Hear your truth
Recognize your voice
Allow yourself to trust your own instinct that begs for recognition
Be still.
You are important.
You are worthy.
Allow yourself to remember your destiny in snapshots of faith.
Mare Trout Martell
Mare Martell 