The Joy of Water

This is the message I wrote for the Water Communion Ceremony at my Unitarian Universalist Church.

The Joy of Water

Good morning and bright blessings to you all. Today we are celebrating our shared commitment and community with the intermingling of water.

“The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food.”- Dean Ornish.

The joys and sorrows of our friends and families are brought together in this significant ceremony that honors our most primal need, our fundamental need to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. Ryunosuke Satoro said “Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.” They aren’t wrong. As we unite our vision, we flow like water, gentle and soft, yet determined to ripple into the smallest nooks and crannies of those we interact with.

As individuals we can find joy in the absolute absurdity of the flow of our lives. We can also sit in stagnant pools, forgetting our purpose, our direction. What we share today is our complex history, our integration into each other’s lives of this; our bless-ed home.

What we’ve given to each other today isn’t just water, it is a legacy promise to allow ourselves to be buoyant life preservers, the purveyors of goodwill, the people of a responsible and joyous citizenry to one another and to the “church” outside these walls.

My personal relationship with water is unique and has affected my spiritual existence since I was a young human.

I grew up in West Michigan, 35 minutes from the shores of Lake Michigan. My Gram lived much closer in Grand Haven, 10 minutes away from the lakefront on VanWagoner Road. When I was lucky enough to get to visit her, it was nearly always punctuated by a trip to the water, a long walk on the pier that stretches out from the shores to a lighthouse at the end.

I’d spend hours climbing up and over great sand dunes to overlook the water. Once I was good and worn out and maybe had a Ray’s burger (Still delicious as of a few years ago) for supper, I’d walk over to the waterfront to anxiously await the start of the Musical Fountain.

The voice would boom over the loudspeaker as a single spout of water shooting upwards lit by a white light would “talk” to the gathered crowd.

“Good evening, and welcome to the Grand Haven Musical Fountain.”

The voice would continue with the particulars of that night’s program which, as a child, I disregarded because the best was yet to come. As the music began through tinny speakers (Now since upgraded), the real show began.

Sprays of water enhanced by multi-colored lights would dance the hillside across the waterway. Fans of brightly colored sprays, tall and short straight shots into the night sky, a helix shape, swaying rotations lit in time to the music. It was exciting, beautiful, and one of my favorite childhood memories.

The harbor of Grand Haven called to me in a familiar way, as if it understood my need for connection, my sense of belonging wasn’t questioned by its shores. I was accepted unquestionably by its vastness.

When I was ten years old, I went with South Congregational Church to the shores of Lake Michigan where they had a retreat. We stayed in cabins, did activities together, sang, and spent our free time doing whatever we wanted to.

I found myself walking to the outdoor chapel that had rocks for benches, pine trees as the altar, and the edgeless view of the Great Lake. As I sat in solitude, staring out over the water, taking in the beauty of nature, I heard a voice.

It wasn’t male or female. It was outside of my body, yet, somehow, so close I thought someone had snuck up behind me. Alarmed, I looked around. I was still alone. The birds were singing, the not-so-distant waves were washing the sandy shores, and the cool breeze brushed my skin ever so lightly.

The voice said, “I am with you.”

I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t worried. It was a deeply comforting reassurance. I tried to describe it later to Rev. Richard Rowlands, but he was inadvertently both dismissive and skeptical. I didn’t tell anyone else because of that, holding onto that secret until now.

Fast forward several years in my life.

I was living in Northern Indiana at the time. I had set up the perfect bath. I had vanilla scented candles lit. I had hot water with lavender bubbles. On my boombox I had a cassette of whale songs playing.

As I relaxed in the luxurious bath, I closed my eyes and found myself drifting into what seemed like a different dimension. When I opened my eyes, I could hear the water that encompassed me. I could taste the sunlight that poured in through the window, warm and honey-like in flavor.

I eased myself up out of the water, maintaining my receptiveness and tied my bathrobe around my waist. Every bit of contact I had with the external world brought me a different level of understanding. As I stepped out my front door to witness the tree that shaded my front yard, the leaves were singing like chimes. The grass gave off a scent of satisfaction so aromatic that it deluged my nostrils with its perfume.

I heard the voice again. “I am with you.”

I don’t know exactly how it happened, but I understood things at that moment that I’d never known before then. I “got it.” I heard a language so ancient that it resonated with my spirit even today.

I heard the voice again. “I am with you.”

It didn’t last long, maybe fifteen minutes or so before I left that state. I kept that secret too, until now.

I became enthralled by nature. I felt the call of the wild. I embraced the natural world as if religion could only be found in the shells on a beach, the sandy shores of the state from which I was born or the Ponderosa Pine Forest on the Mogollon Rim with spring waters filling the streams with icy cold run-off.

I heard the trees telling stories of what they’d witnessed throughout the decades of their knowing. I felt the coalescing of my spirit with the earth where I planted my flowers and herbs. I became a devotee of Mother Earth.

I moved to Tennessee when I heard that voice again. It said, “Go now,” and showed me a picture in my mind of the exterior of the old church, I had no intention of ever setting foot inside a church as a congregant. But the voice seemed far more confident than I felt.

As each tradition of the Unitarian Universalist became revealed through my attendance, I fell into depths of pure spiritual joy. I found and cultivated relationships as deep as any I’d ever experienced.

My favorite song, written by Singer/Songwriter Peter Mayer, “Holy Now,” sings:

“When holy water was rare at best

It barely wet my fingertips.

Now I have to hold my breath

Like I’m swimmin’ in a sea of it.

It used to be a world half there,

Heaven’s second-rate hand me down.

Now I walk it with a reverent air,

‘Cause ev’rything is holy now.”

As we share our water together, there is not only a sense of unity but one of devout joy, knowing that we Are, together. Knowing that we can be filled with sustainable joy through our common communion with one another.

A smarter feller than myself once said:

“The power of water is a reminder of the power of community, and the strength that can come from working together towards a common goal. It is a symbol of life, flowing through everything and connecting us all.”

“Water flowing is a reminder to stay in harmony with nature and honor the vital role that water plays in sustaining all life on Earth. The beauty of water flowing is that it is a reminder of the power and mystery of the natural world, and our interconnectedness with it.”

See you further on up the trail. Blessed Be!

Spiritual Bath

Perfumed purification

anointed my skin

fragrant with absolution

My brethren

Blessed sisters;

Heart-bound lovers

Spirit-kin

My blood baptized

in the cistern of love

Forgiven to be human

The elation of redemption

damp against my brow

Dancing in broad circles

Breathless with abandon

the release of blissful beauty

The Blessing of Venus

I’ve absolved myself of sin

of treating my body as a man’s

loving whomever I desired

again and again and again.

There is no shame between these thighs.

Sighs the ecstasy of night

Breaks the silence with Goddess song

Venus’ blessing; my kiss prolonged

Beckoning divine delights

Charlie Mackesy

This has nothing to do with Japanese Death Poems, even though it kinda does. I’ve made it into a have-to which means I’m commitment shy. I want to read them. I nearly made it through the introduction but found Charlie Mackesy instead at a client’s home.

The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse was sitting on the coffee table. It has a sketch picture on the front which is what caught my eye. The rough edged raw that showed beauty in loose lines with suggestive coloring. The inside cover filled with music that rippled in waves of tones coming off the printed paper. I was pulled in by simplicity in paradox.

It looks as if the print in the book were carefully calligraphied to demonstrate a deep caring sense of connection to the reader. Although there were parts (like the author’s name) where I had trouble discerning letters (Where’s my glasses?), the words were crafted with care.

“Life is difficult but you are loved.” Simple truth brought to life in a tale of loving friendship in a makeshift family. I identified with wanting to belong, seeking other odd creatures, befriending them in the way family could be, and walking them home. What a deeply sensitive place to balance; on the edge of tenderness.

Dive into the depths of light-hearted conversations rich with wisdom. This made my heart deeply happy.

There Gathered The Women

Home and Hearth

And yet, in the kitchen,

where life is rebirthed,

there gathered the women

Deep work of the hearth

The water is boiling

the rags have been torn

Love’s labor is roiling

the guides through the storm;

change the only constant

Lachesis sings then

the hist’ry of what was

Clotho the spinner

weaving fates justly caused

Atropos, the shears

ending life at her whim

The Moirai have weaved

The Fates genuine hymns

A Willow’s Lament

The willow boughs in comprehension

Lose track of the wind

on the mirror surfaced lake

christening the sky

with clear intent

Where is the coffin

but sky and earth

the heavens ornaments

of universal praise

And yet, in the kitchen,

where life is rebirthed,

there gathered the women

pottery deep into breakfast

the labor of reassurance has begun

the calm center of the maelstrom;

change the only constant

There is light

Light in the darkness

Light in the chaos

So is life with death

Born when it’s time to be born;

die when it’s time to die.

It’s movement, a process

where peace with time is in repose

there is an order of things

neither joy nor sorrow may take hold

Yet, Spring, herald of rebirth

has abandoned blooming,

it feels like Winter

Like the depths of the ocean

have suddenly become thick air

Upon this fleeting dream-world

Dawn is breaking

Even though some trees are bedecked

The willow boughs in comprehension

Acknowledging the bond

and where

the direction of love is not lost

the deeper treasure of sweetened time

will reap its own reward.

TAMP: Looney II Crew

I love people who frame their puzzles

and hang HOME upon their walls

I love the people who are never quiet

even as night-time falls

I love the people I call family

as right as any blood

I love the fam’ly of my heart

who love me like they should.

Dearest Mama 2020

I’ve thought about your chronological timeline of our relationship that you wrote with such attention. I wish I could see it like that. The absence of our relationship during the lean years of our emotional lives burdens me to this day, but not how you may think.

With your guidance, perhaps I’d have avoided some of the pain I endured because I refused your matriarchal wisdom. Without you, I kept myself small so that others, undeserving/saints, could shine their sins/lights through me, the prism child. The magical being you brought into this world. With my life reborn here, you’re not losing me, you’re gifted with the light’s rebirth in my spirit. It burdens me because I couldn’t shine for you like I shine here. Know that in my heart of hearts, I am but a reflection of those around me, and around you, I’m at my most glorious.

You wrote of us breaking apart in our relationship, but Mama, this is how I roll. I realize this with Ben and my marriage. I love that man ridiculously. I wish him not a lick of harm which is why I’m away from him. He couldn’t give me what I needed right now.

This was not personal against you, although I recognize how it could feel that way. Perhaps feeling like you’re not enough to keep my heart. As I stated above, it’s because of you that I felt brave enough to step out into the world. It’s because of you, I felt the confidence to face my darkest fears. No ordinary person could love like you, my mother, my heart, my love. You make mistakes, but man, so do I.

This, my beloved mother, is how I want you to know I love you. You’re not a saint, but you’re an angel in a meat suit. I think the world of you even when you’re doing what I call mundane things. Things I’ve seen you both do for a million years; Things that make me want to have a more musical life (like a real musical, not just singing (Hit song quality)). Ones where the true feelings pour out of the mouths of people like you and me in a harmony that is strictly our own. Like the Loon song you sing with Dad, the familiar feel of three-word arguments and ribs with deep gouges from elbows.

Please read this with an open heart so that I can snuggle up inside and feel the safest I ever feel. Allow me to cuddle up against your memories like when we’d watch TV on the couch and I’d get the knee because I was the oldest. How I’d fall asleep on your hip and don’t ever remember waking up. I want to remember how it felt to know I was protected like I feel now.

I know I’m not what you expected or maybe even hoped for. I’m loud, cuss a lot, think nakedly, don’t filter frequently, but I’ve tried so hard not to break your heart or disappoint you. It’s a reason I stayed as long as I did. It’s a damn good reason to stay. That’s not blame, that’s recognition for the truth you showed me through your calming words when I freaked out over stuff that, truly, should never have happened or been said, but there it was and there you were with the dustpan to help me sweep up another mess.

As I sit here in my living room writing this on the computer I’m still paying for, I can’t help but be grateful for the many things you’ve allowed me to achieve with your generosity. You’ve helped me commit to things I was busting buttons proud to do. You helped me realize I’m okay and worth it even when everything went south before I did. I don’t know the right words to express how deeply I adore your generous heart. You are far more trusting of your intuition now that you’re older. I admire the growth I’ve seen since returning as a significantly different person than I knew.

I want this to be a letter that you cherish. If it’s anything but, please let me know. Every intention of these words on the page are to convey to you how very deeply, truly, and completely I adore you.

With deepest devotion, your daughter

Mare Helen

Diamond and Pearl

For only one as rare as this could be uniquely pure.

The diamond attended to the pearl

born magic in a mundane world

The truth made in error,

filled hearts with deep terror

As the sapphire dismantled the girl

The pearl cast herself before swine

which caused her to cross a line

Denying her birth

she refused her worth

She ran til she unhinged her mind

The diamond polished the pearl

comforted the horrified girl

No longer in error

soothed away terror

Returning her holy to the world.

Bluebirds

Happiness came to visit

dressed in a bright blue suit

with cherry vest

across the breast

The pursuit of happiness

Singing a lilt to their paramour;

Speaking up

not speaking for

Dipping into a lover’s rhythm

flying bilateral prisms

The two move in synchronicity

Happiness loves company