Tips from people in long term relationships

These are just round about tips from several people who have been in successful relationships for 10 years or longer. If you have words of wisdom to impart to the newlyweds, please feel free to leave comments. This list is in no way inclusive nor exclusive. I wish all couples the love of a lifetime with their best friend.

Be who you are

Do what you do

That’s the reason

They fell for you!

Take them down off the pedestal

Let them walk on the ground

They are human, just like you

I promise, no messing around.

Do little things that bring a smile to their face

Like putting both seats down or hugging them ‘til they feel safe.

Trust is not easy to acquire

But if you cherish and nurture

You’ll find dreams are inspired

And the wings you needed,

Are now ready to mature.

Forgiveness and compassion

Are found within trust

You gave them your heart,

Remember you must. (Yoda moment)

Fight naked, because it’s difficult to stay mad

At someone yelling while they’re in the altogether.

It’s okay to get/be/stay angry at your partner

But there is never any excuse for intentional cruelty.

Do not ever assume that they know why you’re upset or angry.

If you are angry, take time to cool down to figure out WHY you’re upset.

Breathe until you feel calm enough to talk to them like an adult, not a child throwing a tantrum.

Remember, you chose them to be your best friend for life. Friends don’t intentionally harm one another.

Communicate freely. What are you dreaming about? What are your fantasies? What do you wish to accomplish in your life? Do you or do you not want children? Do you or do you not want to own a house or property? Will you have a joint bank account while maintaining your own as well?

Love without expectation. There isn’t one way to love someone. Be flexible because they are human just like you. You can love them through anything but you can’t love them through abuse of any kind or through violence.

Sex is important but it isn’t the end all. Do not be afraid to say no. You’re not obligated if you’re not feeling it. NEITHER of you are. But, do not neglect your basal needs either. It’s okay to masturbate if you want to and your partner doesn’t. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get them revved up.

Have a job or pursue outside interests that are solely yours. That way you have new and interesting things to bring to the conversational table. It maintains the first credo of be who you are and do what you do. You can have hobbies that are shared or interests that are both of yours, but it’s pleasant to have something oddball to bring along.

Divide the chores happily. If you’re better at laundry than your partner, then you do it because they may be better at doing dishes. There are no hard and fast rules, but if they’re divided by what you actually like to do or don’t mind doing, you’ll find a happier partnership across the board. Example, I fix the car, my husband hooks up the electronics. He loads and unloads the dishwasher, I cook and bake for him what he requests. He cleans the cat box, I clean up the dog poop. And if I get sick or he does, we do theirs too because that’s what partners do for each other.

Learn to cook. Both of you. Find your specialty dish. Eating out at restaurants is expensive, limits your interaction with one another, and makes it easy to fall into ruts. Cooking together allows for intimacy, trust, and conversation as you figure out a new recipe or method of cooking. YouTube is your friend for learning new ways to do things in the kitchen.

Your best friend is first, always. When the wedding vows (typical that is) say “Let no man put asunder…” It means that your best friend is your goto chick/fella. Example: Money does not come first even if it is scarce at first. If it costs over 20 bucks, consult with your partner. You’d be surprised how much trouble it can save unless you’ve previously discussed your budget for this or that project. Kids are not the boss either. Your best friend first, you can make sacrifices for your kids together.

Learn how your partner works. That’s part of the joy. My husband, for example has a hard time verbally expressing himself, but he makes coffee for me on Sunday morning. He takes out the trash without being asked. He picks up his clothing and puts them in the laundry. I make sure he has lunch packed and dinner cooked. I make sure his clothes are clean on my laundry day. I leave him love notes and he gives me secret codes to his heart. I have a lifetime to figure out whether or not he likes white socks best new or warm from the dryer (new every time).

Geek out to a minimal of one thing together. Make it YOUR thing. Date night has to be outside the house, even if it’s for a picnic in the yard at least once a month.

Start saving money for a house now because living in an apartment sucks. If you can’t pay for it in a month (other than a car or a house) then save up until you can. Protect your credit so that both of you can enjoy a solid life together instead of worrying about money.

Don’t be afraid to go on vacations alone for a weekend or a week. Sometimes missing them is necessary and recreates that feeling of, “Man, I really wish you were here.” There isn’t a place where anything stays where you were so behave as if you are married and the best part of you is safe at home. Do not jeopardize your marriage for anyone, it’s not worth it.

Please do not ever fall under the assumption that things will always be just as they are right now. Change is the only other sure thing besides death and taxes. Roll with it. Nobody knows what the hell we’re doing. We’re all just winging it. Do the best you can with what you have and remember that your partner is in it with you.

3 comments on “Tips from people in long term relationships

  1. throwbackwords says:

    Well said..I have just posted the same thing but in a different way.’value your Relations’
    Check it out,i love to read your feedback.thanks

  2. Linda Looney says:

    I think you have the basics down! I was preparing to do a wedding when a conversation ensued about the line, Let no man put asunder”. My husband talked about how he felt it should read, ” Let NOTHING tear you apart”, not money, sex, opinions, politics, kids, absolutely nothing. My mother once advised me (when kids troubles threatened to become my troubles) that spouse had to be my first concern because kids grow up and leave home, but your spouse will still be there. Keep that part of the marriage going because you will have that the rest of your life.

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