LATP: February 2021

It’s been a year since I walked out of my house and into my life.

Before I moved down here to Tennessee, I had no idea what in the world I was doing. I found myself scrounging for attention from friends and family alike. I became like a neglected child. I behaved like one. I withdrew, became angry with myself which caused a downward spiral https://maremartell.com/2019/09/04/wrong-door-right-place/. But then this https://maremartell.com/2020/10/21/life-at-this-point-latp/ happened,

I went down for a visit at my friend’s invitation. I spent the next few weeks dealing with laughter, love, joy, friendship, and light. Even with the loss of a young friend that I’d known for many years, I felt baptized, renewed, invigorated, but most of all, I figured out how unhappy I was living in a house where love used to live. I started to question where I was in my life.

I was at my house in Michigan for three days when I decided I couldn’t do it. I told my husband I was moving back to TN at the beginning of February. By February 22nd, I’d moved into the cutest little house. I took a deep breath and dove into the current. I decided that no matter where the river flowed, I wasn’t going to get stuck in a calm pond. I NEEDED to be with the flow of energy I experienced around my spiritual community and deep friendships I’d formed. I’ve hit some rocks, but I’m still loving the life I’m living.

I’m happy helping people. I started working as a Personal Care Assistant immediately upon arrival and have yet to find something I like doing better. Except maybe being a EOL Death Doula. Yes, I’m still interested in that. It’s currently cost prohibitive for me to make the tuition of either of the programs I’m considering. I want to at least be certified by INELDA or the University of Vermont (non-credited course). https://www.inelda.org/certifications/ or /https://learn.uvm.edu/program/end-of-life-doula-at-uvm/end-of-life-doula-certificate/

It’s a pipe dream of mine. I have no choice but to create my own life. Honestly, I waited for there to be more for a long time. I didn’t believe people when they said I could make my own choices. I thought there must be a catch or something. I dared not hope for any better than I settled for. I had to heed the wisdom of those I KNEW loved me and wanted nothing but the best for me. I was encouraged to explore the world again. If I would have realized how unhappy I was, I’d have made the choice to leave sooner rather than six years into an emotional drought.

But even as I write this, I’m thinking of tomorrows working schedule and how very happy I am that I jumped into the river of discomfort and found my life again; Waiting where I’d left off believing in myself.

This entry was posted in Human.

2 comments on “LATP: February 2021

  1. loonmom says:

    While I’m missing you physically, I feel like I have my daughter back. I love you and want you to be happy in your life. If that means you must live there, I can deal with it. I love you. Mom

    (She,her, hers) Be the change you wish to see in the world.—Gandhi Sent from my iPhone

    >

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