Discover Mare Martell

28/04 :  One Month Anniversary

   I can't begin to express the joy that I am experiencing in my life every day. I feel so blessed and busy lately that I've been neglect of my hobbies and my writing. A month ago I sat in a court room where my father was given the option to place Matthew with me or foster care. He raised a stink, but ended up deciding on me. I remember feeling as if things were in slow motion when the judge awarded me custody. I looked at Matthew and he had tears in his eyes.

As we were leaving the courtroom, my father hugged Matthew tightly then left. I overheard him saying that I'd slit my own throat. He also said that Matthew had as well. I don't think I'd have been so baffled if there hadn't been 9 other people in the room. Two of those people testified that Matthew was not safe where he was living. Yet is was entirely my fault and Matthew's.

Here we are a month later with an entirely different child. He laughs and jokes easily. He makes his bed every day. He makes sure his radio is turned off. He makes sure the trash and recycling get taken out. He takes regular showers. He eats like he's never been fed and hasn't turned his nose up at anything. He's jovial, patient, considerate, and a hug hog.

About a week after getting here he said, "Mare, you told me you wanted me to be safe and happy but I didn't understand. After being here, I get what it means to be safe." I asked him why he feels safe. He said, "I don't have to worry about anyone coming into my room when I'm asleep. I don't have to worry about my stuff coming up missing. I know I'm okay." I glowed.

In the second week, people began to see the shy, introverted young man become gregarious. They started to see him improving each day. He found a friend that lives on our street and began hanging out with her. I got a notice from his teacher that says he has never seen Matt laugh or smile, but that had changed. He further stated that Matthew has no behavior issues and is excelling academically. Again I glowed. I tell Matt how proud of him I am. He glows.

We're at our one month anniversary and I couldn't be happier with his progress. He talks to me about what he's thinking but still has a hard time identifying what he's feeling. I ask him to check in after an hour and a half. Last night was the first time he was late (normally he's 15 minutes early). I told him that when I say a time, I mean a time. I grounded him for the evening from phone and going to his friend's home. Later that evening, he came to me and said, "You gave me a really fair punishment. I know why you did it and I'm sorry I messed up." I replied, "I love you dearly. I don't put a punishment on you just for any old thing. I think you've done amazing to have only slipped up once in a month. Tomorrow you can go hang out with your friend again." He hugged me and thanked me again.

I remember Eddie Haskel. I remember that he'd tell someone what they wanted to hear then do devious things instead. Matthew isn't at all like that. He's genuine. He's the real deal. I can't tell him enough how much I love him, how proud I am of him and his progress, or how grateful I am that he's here. All and all, this is probably one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me.

Glowing with joy is an incredible feeling. OH! One more thing. My husband is not an overly affectionate man when it comes to Matthew. He came out of his room after listening to Matt and I discuss things and he hugged Matt while saying, "I love you, Matt." Matt said, "I love you too, Benj." I nearly burst. Other than that, the only contact they have is Matt kissing Ben's cheek and telling him "Love ya." Once he came out of Ben's room giggling like a fiend. When I asked him what was so funny, he replied, "I licked my lips before I kissed him this time." He then proceeded to giggle hysterically at his "prank."

I am, indeed, a lucky and blessed woman. I have no doubts we'll hit rough spots. I believe in it actually, but I know that for now, this is what I have been destined to do for many years. Thanks to all of you who have offered support and aid when confusion sets into my brain. I am in love with my husband and my "son".