Discover Mare Martell

06/07 :  Eclipse

  

Cast according to IMDb

Call me a cynic. Call me too old. Call me anything but a slobbering tween who has just discovered that men can do THAT to their bodies. I read the books. I kept them in perspective. I realized they were thinly veiled attempts to keep kids from "doing it." Abstinence isn't all it's cracked up to be, but neither is sex. Either way it's a disappointment. Anyway, I liked the books just the same. I liked the characters because they were accessible. They could be anyone which made it understandable for their appeal to the youngsters who haven't really learned how the real world works.

I went to the movie hoping to see something besides half-naked boys. I went hoping that the acting would have somehow improved since the last installment. I was disappointed. The movie poster above has about as much emotion as the main characters exhibit.

Kristen Stewart, who allegedly portrays "Bella Swan", almost looked lovely when she showed emotion towards the beginning of the movie in a scene with Bella's mother (Sarah Clarke), but that quickly faded when she had to interact with the male members of the cast (Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner). She became unemotional to the point of nearly being as cold as her character's vampire love interest. I'm baffled why people are saying that she is a good actress. Although with the way the plot and storyline ran, the fact that she kept a straight face through the whole thing, and the fact that she portrays one of the most indecisive characters ever...well then maybe she is a good actress. NOT in this series of movies!

Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) looks as if he is in constant need of a restroom. I also noticed that his eyebrows are so large on the big screen, they are frightening. Personal preference for a more masculine man aside, he fails as a romantic lead. He knew his lines. He delivered them with as much emotion as a toothpick. Again, I blame the writing/directing/key grip. I really WANT to give him a chance. I want to believe that he is capable of more, just as I do of Kristen, but...again, no.

There is no such thing as a "Happily Ever After." There isn't anything that would make the Disney-esque romance appeal to those who have lived. I laughed out loud at the proposal. I laughed out loud at the tent scene (partially because my friend whispered "Brokeback Mountain" in my ear while Edward and Jacob are confessing their like to each other). I laughed out loud at the horrible acting. I laughed when Edward said he'd kill her if they had sex. I laughed at the wrench throwing Jacob. I laughed because it's crap.

It's a work of fiction. It's based on fiction. It's set in a real place to make it feel less like fiction. I completely understand that. What made me laugh is that the girls that are swooning and sighing over the main characters are going to expect real life to be just like that. Perhaps that should make me cry, but it doesn't. They'll learn, just like I and millions of other women have, that romance doesn't mean being watched while you sleep (creepy), or making a choice to change for a man (when they're already fine). It irritates me to witness the girl having to not only decide who to serve the rest of her life, but also who she has to become in order to get the goods.

Wake up girls! Wake up young ladies! You have to become who you are without a partner before you can become a PARTNER. Love doesn't change who you are, it changes how you see things. Love enhances what made them fall in love with you for in the first place. Love is about compromise, patience, kindness, and hard work. There is no happily ever after. There is not power to change yourself found in love, there is only the power to change yourself in order TO love.

This is scattered, not well organized, but the bottom line is, don't watch the drivel without a box of tissues nearby to wipe away your tears of laughter.