Discover Mare Martell

07/03 :  Part 5,000,000

   I've written about this particular topic a LOT on this web page. I've ranted, begged, pleaded, cried, thrown my hands up, stood my ground, and still I am fighting against a dog. If you aren't a regular reader, here are the links that directly involve what I'm up against. Maybe it just feels like a lot because it's pretty much all I think about on the back burner of my brain.

One
Two
Three
Four

Today I got a message from my father.

At the meeting to determine whether Matthew should be put into special needs education for his behavioral problems, we discussed splitting the cost of the weight equipment for Matthew as a reward for Matt having good reports from the school regarding behavior. Matthew has not had good reports from the school. When I pointed this out to my father, my father said that I was making him out to be a liar to his friend who has the weight equipment. I pointed out that he wasn't meeting his end of the bargain when he said Matthew knows nothing about the agreement we made in the meeting. How is Matt going to strive to earn anything if he's unaware that he's even under scrutiny?

My father wants me involved in Matthew's life but only to the extent that it benefits him. He gave me the number for Matthew's R.O.A.D.S (I guess that's how it is done) counselor. Matthew is being removed from the in home drug counseling because the local mental facility doesn't believe that Matthew would benefit from the program. I whole-heart-edly agree with this assessment. I contacted the counselor anyway. I also contacted a licensed drug counselor in hopes that I can get Matthew an appointment for an evaluation and or a second opinion to the diagnosis that the Psycho-quack made labeling Matt schizophrenic.

During the course of the conversation with my father regarding his message, my father said that Matthew told the whore, "You're only here to suck my dad's dick and clean the house. Apparently you're only good at one of those and it isn't cleaning." My dad said he doesn't understand where Matt gets that. I told him, "From you."
"I've never said anything like that!" He said angrily.
"Yes you did. You said that she was only there to clean the house, take care of Matthew, cook food and suck your dick." I replied.
"I never said that." He bellowed.
"Yes you did. Ben heard you. I heard you. Matthew heard you. I'm pretty sure Val heard you."
"I didn't say that."
"Dad, you said that Val knows why she's there. You shouldn't have to keep reminding her of her duties."
"ANYWAY."

The conversation went on a bit. I suggested that maybe the money would be better spent if I just filed for custody of Matthew on Friday instead of paying for the gym equipment.
"No. Right now I get $400.00 in food stamps with Matthew living here. If he leaves then I'll lose that and TennCare. I'm keeping custody of him until he's 18."

I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I inquired, "So the dollar is more than Matthew?"
"I can't afford to live without him here."

End conversation with him running off to wrestle the washing machine because the whore doesn't know how to do laundry.

One part of my KNOWS the right thing to do would be to yank Matthew by filing for emergency custody. The other part of me wants no blood on my hands and just let the State of Tennessee do justice regarding the child. I'm thinking faith in myself would be better spent than to put faith in the system that has failed Matthew from the get-go.

I am baffled at how I ever came out of my genes. I have no idea how I turned out as I am with his genes swimming in my blood. I am a completely alien creature to him. I really don't know. For the love of all that is holy, can someone please suggest a way that I can help this child? Someone please hear the pleas of this child screaming for help? Can someone wash the blood from my hands if I file for custody anyway? Damn loyalty.